I think it is evident that I'm emotionally fragile and the realisation that I've neglected my only living grandparents for almost two decades was too much for me.
The first few days I constantly teetered on the edge of bawling my eyes out.
Even typing this now is making me incredibly emotional.
Can someone teach me not to feel so damn much?! It's draining.
I tried to be the best possible granddaughter but the language barrier limited our conversations to such basic topics.
Again, I regret ever so much not continuing to learn Chinese in university.
In year 12, my reading skills were quite good and now, I have nothing to show for 5 years of study.
I have come out of this realising life is so finite and what the hell am I doing with mine?
Was choosing to study at university for 7 years really the right choice?
So many of my friends are now working and enjoying life, spending it with their loved ones.
And I'm constantly conflicted, guilted by one thing or the other, never truly living.
Some people exclaim with amazement that I've been studying for so long, and it is not until now that I can see from their point of view.
Yet, I'm so far in, to stop now would be crazy. Right?
But I digress, I'll try to write a proper post on Shanghai when I get my emotions in check.
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