Pack Mentality

Stop it, my knees feel weak, my insides are collapsing.
But I'm happy? Jesus.
All the creme de la creme. Watching us watching them.

Kill me with spites

Slightly amusing in my boredom:
|:( = "I am displeased with my unibrow."
ALOT
'Truth..or BRICK'




Did I tell anyone? My bro did order the sigma makeup brushes, even though the exchange rate still isn't that great, oh and our new (second hand) printer came, because Michael got free toners somehow but they weren't compatible with our old printer.
And these toners cost $80+ so $90 for another printer is actually saving us money instead of having to buy more toners.

The House of Bernarda Alba..oh yes I spend my studying weekend photoshopping :)






I wish I composed the photos better, but I didn't want the shutter to be going off excessively and detract from the mood.

Take all my loves, my love, yea take them all;

What hast thou then more than thou hadst before?

.

Lascivious grace, in whom all ill well shows,

Kill me with spites yet we must not be foes.

-from Sonnet 40

Love Lisa.

Naive As Ever

& most likely forever. Oh well, at least the only person it affects is me.
I can almost taste the sweet sweet irony, it's just so blatantly obvious that it makes me want to kick something (not something alive).
It's just me against the world, turning everyone against me while hopelessly wanting the exact opposite.
Hormones are getting the better of me in recent days, they actually drive me up the walls.

The House of Bernarda Alba, the 3/4 Theatre Studies production was amazing. I can't even describe the atmosphere and very convincing acting.
I got fairly into it.

Sonnet 46
Mine eye and heart are at a mortal war,
How to divide the conquest of thy sight;
Mine eye my heart thy picture's sight would bar,
My heart mine eye the freedom of that right.
My heart doth plead that thou in him dost lie,
A closet never pierc'd with crystal eyes,
But the defendant doth that plea deny,
And says in him thy fair appearance lies.
To 'cide this title is impannelled
A quest of thoughts, all tenants to the heart;
And by their verdict is determined
The clear eye's moiety, and the dear heart's part:
As thus: mine eye's due is thine outward part,
And my heart's right, thine inward love of heart.

If anyone feels stupid it's me, I've said it before but it's hitting just as hard. I'm stupid in ways you wouldn't believe.

Throwing everything aside yet again and again and again, then it just sends me into this ridiculous downwards spiral when the inevitable happens each and every time. I thought I was okay, I thought I've been okay. But the moment I'm at home, I tear myself to shreds.

In the spirit of The House of Bernarda Alba, I have fucking blindfolded myself and the worst part is I know it.

Taking it in turns. Either way I pray I'll make it through exams without having a breakdown.
What an existence I lead.

Still sick, awesome,
Love Lisa.

According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four legs, four arms and a head with two faces.
Fearing their power, Zeus split them apart, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other half.

My other half, where are you?

Sonnet 145

Those lips that Love's own hand did make
Breathed forth the sound that said "I hate"
To me that languished for her sake;
But when she saw my woeful state,
Straight in her heart did mercy come,
Chiding that tongue that ever sweet
Was used in giving gentle doom,
And taught it thus anew to greet:
"I hate" she altered with an end,
That followed it as gentle day
Doth follow night, who like a fiend
From heaven to hell is flown away.
"I hate" from hate away she threw,
And saved my life, saying "not you."

by William Shakespeare

I listened to all his sonnets, on repeat for a week in the summer holidays.

Plethora

Why is the AUD at an all time low, this is not cool. Jenny Paul and Em bought their Sigma makeup brush kits at an all time high, so there's about $10 difference (in the total cost).

Delayed upload yet again:
Social


M Day




Em's Where's Wally 18th



Year 12 Jumper :D Oh yeah.

Je Te Veux

Everything just sounds better in French.







And finally I present to you...

Yes.

So the day has been long and painful for me mentally and physically. I think I'm coming down with a malady of some sort or other :( I tried napping for an hour or so after school but it turned out to be just catnapping, lasting 15mins max.

Chem SAC back and I'm fairly happy with how chem's going, physics, on the other hand, I'm a little bit concerned about the minimalism of unit 3 we have covered thus far.

Also I've wanted suspenders/garters and/or lace edged stay ups for about two years now, perhaps one day I can rock that look without looking like fresh trash on the street. Reminder to self, they only look good when you have long hot legs (therefore I will never look good but I can imagine myself still trying and failing in the near future) :D

I'm so anti social right now, but I cannot hold a conversation with anyone, not in my current state of mind, and besides my nose has just become a leaky tap, how much more delicious can this all get?
I'm just sitting on my chair in my favourite fetal position, freezing my ankles off and trolling other people's blogs.

I will actually actually sleep before 11pm so help me god.
Fingers crossed, I'm not worse tomorrow (*touch wood),
Love Lisa.

Of unkissed kisses, and songs never sung

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

-Lord Byron

Yes I moved it from the last post. And if you haven't realised, I like old school poetry :)

I don't think anyone can comprehend how hungry I am right now. I can just imagine myself biting into a live cow (hahahah okay too far).
But my parents are at the pool/spa/sauna/hydrotherapy thing and I've already eaten all the possible snacks at home, including 7 chocolate eclair candies.

Wondering when I'll get used to this winter weather..wait a minute, IT'S NOT EVEN WINTER YET...okay wtf. All this time.. :( aww.

I think I've actually fully convinced my brother to buy the Sigma Makeup Kit for me, hells yeah! ;D
He also wondered why he agreed, I told him it was because he's nice heehehee. But I don't feel as bad pilfering money from him, as he earns quite a bit from studying..doing his PhD (I believe) and he doesn't have that many bills to pay. Plus what are older brother's for.

Really, it looks quite good, and judging from Jennys, the quality is very VERY good for its price.
$50 for 10 brushes..um how could I say no! Especially when I bought ONE brush last year from priceline..for $20 and it doesn't even feel as amazing as the Sigma ones.
He was about to pay for it and everything, when we discovered the USD to AUD exchange rate was at an all time low :(
Hopefully it picks up by tomorrow.

And besides, I just leant him $40 today, the forty dollars that's taken weeks to save up (yeah I don't have much of an income) but he said I'd get it back + interest. SCORE. Okay I should stop being so happy about siphoning money from him, but I would honestly do the same if I our positions were reversed.

I'm going in circles. I take one step forwards and the next thing you know I'm regressing, lapsing again and again, in so many ways. Or maybe that's how it's all meant to be. I have yet to figure out whether this is going to implode on itself.
I'm stopping myself, but I don't know who I'm doing it for.

So much more homework to complete by the end of tonight. God damn.

Love Lisa
PS. I don't mean to be haughty LOL, my apologies if I ever give anyone that impression.

Another Cold Saturday

^Oh hello. I can feel it, midnight cravings hitting early yet again.

^Squee, I love it.

Come with yeah? :)

Saturday spent at chinese school and groceries at Bok Hill. Bought myself some bowl noodles mmm.
Mum bought corn, you know what that means...CORN AT SCHOOL AGAIN, YES. :D

Currently obsessed with pistachios, cranberries and those sugar coated dried banana slices. Hell yeah.

How nice it would be to fall asleep again, not freezing my nipples off.
Hug deprived therefore must fetal like a baby still in the womb. Seriously.

Love Lisa.

Me & You In The Whip Of The Red Light

Baby don't cling, don't cling to a man
If you need the boom boom stick to the plan
I remember when we learnt a dance to that song, specifically what was choreographed to the above lyrics, our teacher was a pretty funny guy.

Interesting journey there. Met Jenny and Cath at Funky Fresh. Missed the first tram down. Jenny wanted pizza. Pizza would take 20mins (too long). Instead got sushi. Sushi place's bathroom was creepy as hell.
On the tram, I fell flat on my ass cause Cath almost toppled over (but no blame on her :D everyone on the tram was dying at every stop), it was one of those feelings, where I was confused as to how I got on the floor and why my ass/elbow hurt like a bitch. And yes, I was completely sober so stay off that track.
Kinda reminds me of when I broke my arm stacking it on my bike, I barely realised what was happening until it had all happened.

Really did not go to dance with anyone other than Jenny and Cath tonight.
I should have just lied and said I had a boyfriend. Oh well not facing them eventually threw them off since I'm pretty sure they were hoping I'd turn around. Suckers.
Nah that's cruel but I am 90% sure they were younger than me by a year, and I don't want to be an unsuspecting cougar, or not a cougar just none of that for me thanks.

Cath on the hunt was the funniest thing ever, seeking out her men. And we were her wingmen, I swear there were so many but she got 3 numbers in the end :)
Well that's what she came to do and that's what she did.

I just don't know whether to be aloof or what. What are the expectations set on me? I don't know how the 'friend' thing is meant to be playing out, I don't know how much is trying too hard.
All in good time right?

Oh no I accidentally pulled out an eyelash :(

It's so cold, chinese tomorrow.
Love Lisa.

What More Can I Do

Must force myself to sleep soon, I can do more work in double spare tomorrow ahaha (yay :|)
I won't lie, I don't actually dislike doing work...as long as I understand it. When I don't, I want to claw my eyes out and when I do, it's the only sense of achievement I ever experience in my (sad sad) life.
The whole learning experience, to me, is umm..dare I say enjoyable?
Yeah, come on you can't be surprised that I say this, I've been on wikipedia for 6 hours in one day just looking up everything that came to mind. I specifically remember the bumblebee page.
Such is my life.



The jeep one is mad. If you don't like it, get out of my house and come up with something better.

People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Abraham Lincoln

Pretty much sums up what I'm currently thinking. Things are only as bad as you make them out to be :)
People change, nothing goes as planed, it would be stupid to not soldier on.

Bad idea to turn the computer on, especially since I achieved nothing in the past 20minutes, there's still a bunch of work sheets, practise exams and english questions I promised myself to finish tonight.
Putting my computer to hibernate right now.

Love Lisa.
PS. I have to print about 20 practise exams but we're out of white paper..perfect.

Lisa Likes Licking Luscious Lollipops

^My alliteration as a child, minus the luscious. I wasn't good enough for that at the time.

Had a formal committee meeting during lunch today.
And a detailed study sesh for chinese in my spare so it's been a pretty packed day.

The fact that Jason Earles (jackson from Hannah Montana) is 33 years old is still insane, sorry if you read this and think 'bitch please, that's old news', I'm behind with the times!

Currently brushing my teeth,
Love Lisa.

Fuzzy Memories

Last night I tossed and turned, took over an hour and half to fall asleep. And since it was already past 12 when I turned of the computer...not cool.

New system. I realised not turning on the computer allows me to do homework so much faster since I'm not distracted every two seconds by something or other flashing in my face..no, not in that way you dirty minded hoes.

Oh god, I've almost used up my credit/cap (wtf are you meant to call it when you're on a plan) and there's still a week to go.

And i went $2 over last month and dad was all >:(
Yeah that's how much $2 extra means to my parents when I've previously lived off $30 for 3 months. Oh yes.

Sigh, time and patience, time and patience (cept those are the words of Father Barry which we're not supposed to follow, from On the Waterfront shutup I always reference novels/films we study). Yet it seems like next logical step. Waiting it out. Since the aftermath has barely begun.

I should learn to have dislikes. Besides from sushi. It seems to throw people off when I can't give them a clear cut answer.
Could be because I think so far into the consequences of either choice that it puts me off choosing completely. Probably not the greatest habit.

See here is the thing. I can imagine that people are misinterpreting everything I type on here. The issue of miscommunication always arises online (let alone in real life), and that drives me insane. But at the same time, maybe what you think I mean, has a meaning within itself.
It's my new favourite and compulsive thing to do, analysing my own psyche. It's fun (sort of), try it some day.

I forgot everything else I was going to write. But there was more alright.

Until next time,
Love Lisa.

< A Month From Mid Years

**11.55pm: It's cold, I'm tired and hungry. And have stayed up to no avail yet again :( Sleep calls. Goodnight my lovers.

I'm not going to exaggerate, I've done 5 hours of pure spesh today and I still haven't caught up with the homework.
I'm so screwed because this was meant to be a day of mid years study.

I hit my temple on a door frame it still hurts. Almost made a fail bet with my brother on the spelling of Robert Pattinson's last name. Lucky for me, he wasn't sure enough to risk giving me $20 LOL.
Shit, it's crazy how short/emaciated looking I used to be, just two years ago? Looking back at pictures..wow.
The summer of double beef and cheese really did wonders... :\

I'm sure you've all realised that I don't take photos as often. Well I've realised something too, I can spend 3 hours taking photos of the same thing, then another 2 photoshopping the only photo out of the 300 that I like.
It's a long process.
Oh and then there's uploading onto my photobucket. I'm getting lazier and lazier. :(

What's a good book to read?

Actions speak louder than words...maybe they do but sometimes you're oblivious until it's all spelled out for you.

It's so obvious now. Just step back and look outside of any preconceived notions. All in good time. You'll see.

Talk to me,
Love Lisa

PS. I'm pro at pretending I'm asleep. Did I ever mention that?
PPS. If you're following me anonymously imma stab you. Nah jokes, I'd just like to follow you back :)

'IT'S ALL GOOD IN THE HOOD'
YES, that's what I was reminded of. Gold, pure gold.

So the chase takes up one’s life, that’s all.
-Robert Browning

Lucid Dreaming

Yay or nay?

My dreams have been out of whack lately. Neither happy nor sad, just plain weird. Confusing I guess.
I only remember tiny parts of them, and sometimes things throughout the day bring back this feeling of deja vu, and I know its because I dreamt about the exact same thing. If you get my gist.

Cold yet my face is overheating. Why does my face have enough fat to last me the winter?

Robin Hood was good. Ahaha it rhymes. Loving the high speed cameras capturing the release of arrows which then fly into peoples necks ;)

So much mid year revision yet to be done, and I need to catch up on spesh. Eeep.

Sighsighsigh,
Love Lisa.

Silentium Amoris

Completely and utterly vegetabilised.
Special relativity overload and just general jam packed day of school has blown my mind. I so should have slept in this morning, but then perhaps I wouldn't have finished my cheat sheet for physics.

Who knows.

I forget, I forget and everything seems okay. I've learnt that lying to myself is feasible. But one thing just then triggered all my insides stirring. Doing everything possible to direct my attention elsewhere, because once I fall into that trap it becomes a vicious cycle.
Just a little bit sad, just a bit.

Also feeling the inklings of my obsessive compulsive behaviour, but it's understandable why, right?

Shall attempt to sleep within half an hour,
Love Lisa.

Though my existence seems to pass
And then I'm falling again.
I can't forget anything, but somehow I'm successfully not thinking full stop.

But my mood is oddly good tonight. Like I feel unnaturally cheery, this can't be normal LOL
Today was a strangely good (too lazy to think of another word) day too..perhaps because I got new maths exercise books? ahaha That makes zero sense.

Good luck those of you doing studio art,
Alright, my first attempt to get off the computer begins now..

Love Lisa.

Gloves for my feet

'I want gloves for my feet! oh wait..that's what socks are.'

Yeah but really, who doesn't want gloves for their feet, all my extremities are threatening to fall off at any moment now.
Lucky I'm a girl, right :D

Chinese SAC was alright, bearable, passable, but of course I was beyond nervous, my face was probably red (always when I'm nervous) enough for Mrs. Zhang to wonder about the state of my health.
我们可以亲身体验澳洲的文化和风土人情。 Thats the line I almost had mental blank on, why do I remember it so well now!

Shower now,
Love Lisa.

Ruby lips above the water,
Blowing bubbles soft and fine,
But alas, I was no swimmer,
Neither was my Clementine.

I'm so scared

...of the fucking possum outside my window that always hisses at me, of my chinese SAC tomorrow, of mid years, of failure and of throwing myself overboard for no reason.

I want to believe what everyone tells me.
That I'll be fine, everything will be fine but for the first time in my life I don't quite feel the same optimism that I seem to (too) often preach of.
I feel like either way I turn will end in me screwing myself over. And I will only have myself to blame.

And maybe it's all just me, making up stories in my head, little scenarios that, in reality, are complete bulllll.
Maybe there is no reason for this mental struggle at all.

Don't know which I'd prefer, but I would like all of this to have been worth it, I'm waiting for my epiphany.

Love Lisa.

Where's Wally?

At Emily's 18th.
Her parents were so cute, just chilling on the couches or going around with plates of food :)
Emily's outfit was perfect..of course she did get a proper one and zinta's was just awesome as her outfits always are.

Yeah I was a pretty shit Woof, but I had nothing really :S
Oh well, many people just came in stripey tops (but I didn't even have that) D:

Have to say I really didnt take any good photos :(
But there's only myself to blame, there were 3 DSLRs going mad already so I thought it would be overkill to bring mine out.
I hate that feeling of regret. Oh well.

Guess I'll have to wait for other people to put up pictures :)
Love Lisa

Drowning

in homework, in chocolate, in expectations, in everything and nothing.
But really now, mid years are 5 weeks away.

I've figured one thing out. I just don't know how to make it right. But I don't think it's even possible for me to.

Someone needs to slap sense into me, this is the absolute worst time for me to stop doing homework and once I stop, it takes ten times the effort to start again.

Emily's Where's Wally 18th is tomorrow night, which should be awesome :)
Yet still, there's that feeling I can't shake, that stupid want, need, desire.
I wonder I wonder, if it's only me.

I'm not going to say what, because I know you already know. And you know that I know you know. So I will just have to wait and see.

And so it goes

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
As if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows.

I love Billy Joel.

Heaven ain't close in a place like this

[Oh no, I swear I stood by my promise, I just often save posts as drafts because I want to edit them and never remember to publish]


Aww simba :)

yeah I don't know why you'd want to see
but I would be so pumped to make formal invitations..i may have made one in a spare hour today... ;D
I will upload if I have the will power.

29/04/10 10.30pm~
You know what screw english homework.
My lang anal is already 800 words long and I'm not even half way done.
That's always my problem, it's never that I don't have anything to say, it's that I have too much.

Okay House Aths on Friday, let me give you the brief outline of the day:
-barely any year 12s came the effing lazy asses
-I was in long jump..ahhahaha and my best was 2.5m? which is shit as since everyone else got 3.5-4.5+ but god knows why they even put me in that event I've never done it before
-I was really into the whole House spirit thing that day, literally cheered until my throat hurt
-came second in my novelty team even, the 'Overhead', like tunnelball but over your head LOL
-took numerous photos which I will link here soon
-House Parties that night, not too bad, not a great turn out though, Becky and Jenny did an amazing job of organising it, such a shame to see only 30 people come














GWSC Deb:
-at The Grand in Wantirna South
-was a complete loner while waiting to go into the place, it was so cold my knees were weak and it was drizzling a little too :( ahaha
-met Jennifer Xu and danced with her all night :)
-took MANY photos with her too
-the food was good, came too late though and they took away our entrees before we even finished :'(
-watched the debs and their partners do their ballroom dances haha
-did the supposed 'foxtrot' with Allan because he had to ask a guest, but really it was just moving from side to side, kinda funny though :D
-pudding for dessert was intensely sweet
-surprisingly saw quite a few people that used to be in my chinese school class









Can't be bothered thinking anymore now.
Love Lisa.