Life Goal

My obsession with the Auroras began over a decade ago. To this day, when I see photos and videos of the phenomenon it takes my breath away, I can't imagine anything more beautiful.

So it has been a life long dream to photograph an Aurora sighting. Time to go to Iceland, methinks.
I don't think I'm dreaming too big, it's a very achievable goal. The only thing that scares me is the sub-zero temperatures I'll face in the process.

Love, Lisa.

Happy Holidays

Merry Christmas dear bloggersphere!

This year we went to see The Boulevard christmas lights.





Also side note rant, you know me I can't help myself, am I the only person who does not understand the shower sandal trend?? I don't see how they look good whatsoever, with any outfit, on anyone.

Work has been more stressful as it was leading up to Christmas and Boxing Day. I've never worked retail during the holiday season and let me tell you, it's not fun setting up sale stock. I also opted to help out at another store as they were short on people, so tomorrow I'm working 12 hours! Just trying to think of the fat paycheck I'll get next week, it's the only thing that will keep me going.

Anyhow might take a quick nap as I'm afraid I'm falling sick.

Much love,
Lisa.

Mid December Already

So I had a good run of a couple of consecutive posts didn't I, well that didn't last long.

I'm proud to report that I passed everything in second semester, no supps for me!
Although we did really terribly on our lit review for our group research project, which was very disappointing considering everyone put in a lot of effort.

I have been working and the people I work with are so lovely :) they make the time fly by, although now the regional manager has cut a lot of our shifts so we are often working alone. And at first I thought that wasn't too bad but when I had to close by myself for the first time that was a little daunting.

The manager that hired me unfortunately resigned, as she found a better job, which I'm glad for, however I already miss her, I've never had a manager that talked to me as an equal and was just so kind and supportive toward me. We had a potential new manager come in, and she was great as well but unfortunately she moved to another location and now we don't really have a proper manager. One of the girls I work with is acting as a stand-in but she really doesn't want to be in that position as it a huge responsibility and she already works 2 jobs.

I also very much regret not going to the Uniqlo interview as I have a gut feeling they would have given me a lot of shifts.

I'm also looking to get my first ever facial, but I don't know how to feel about it. Firstly there's the cost, is it really worth it? Secondly, my skin is dead sensitive, and I can only imagine myself being a splotchy tomato after someone else has thoroughly 'cleansed' it haha. And I really do need a back facial -__- my back had been so good to me for a few weeks but now I can feel lumps and bumps all over the place, and if I could see and reach my own back with ease I would deal with it myself. Believe me, I've already tried to in the past and that's what has led to my beautifully scarred back. That leads me to another point, I feel like I will never have on of those beautiful flawless backs that I can show off in a backless dress. Boo :(

I'm quite tired at the moment, I shall be realistic and aim to post once a week for the rest of the holidays.

Love Lisa.

So I recently saw this video:

then I started reading the comments. Many people saying how lovely it is to be complimented and most of these men are just being polite. And I get that I do, and I'm sure the majority are making innocuous remarks (because I have hope in humanity).

But I've been in numerous situations, usually on public transport where I'm confined, where strangers have initiated a conversation, in a seemingly harmless way and thus it seems rude if I ignore them but if I do respond, the conversation has often taken an insidious turn. What's more disturbing for me, is the this happened 10 fold more when I was in high school than now. And looking back I was clearly being preyed on, as I'm sure I appeared more vulnerable then than I do now. Especially as the people making comments toward me were almost always much older.

So of course, these experiences have made me more cynical about any stranger who talks to me, I want to believe in the best of people but I can't help always holding some degree of suspicion.

Nonetheless, to balance out these negative experiences, I know there are plenty of good people out there. There are the times people have offered me a seat, or waited for me to exit a train before they did, out of genuine and sheer politeness. Because these people did not in any way, try to pursue a conversation with me or make me feel threatened. This goes for both women and men. In short, people who do something nice and expect nothing in return are my heroes.

Just my thoughts,
Love Lisa.

Christmas Casual

After almost 40 job applications (no exaggeration), 4 interview offers and 1 interview actually attended. I have finally been employed for the summer, well I've yet to sign a contract but I've gotten the email welcoming to the company. To think I almost passed up the opportunity as well, as I had to skip a few hours of uni for the interview.

I need to shift my view of myself. I was definitely always a shy and unconfident girl growing up. And even though I've changed, I still always think I will fall flat on my face in social interactions, including job interviews. I always assumed that people weren't going to like me for who I am, so I didn't speak, always afraid I'll make a fool out of myself. Look, I did stumble over some words and got a little flustered in my interview but I didn't let it get to me, and it worked out for me in the end.

So really, it was always me holding myself back. Overanalysing every situation, replaying conversations in my mind, feeling embarrassed I acted a certain way and always scared of being wrong. I'm not suddenly some confident, sassy, dare I say, woman?! (I still feel young, but calling me a woman sounds weird.) But I'm also far from being the tight-lipped and (seemingly) unapproachable girl I was in my childhood.

There's hope for me yet,

Love Lisa.

"Still a better love story than..."

You know what comes next. With every comment on videos, photos, new articles even, I lose a little hope in the internet community. It makes me cringe so much on the inside (I'm sure my face is probably puckering up in distaste as well), then when I see a multitude of people liking those posts, my insides just shrivel up and wither away.

Since I'm on a roll, the term 'bae' makes me want to never open up instagram or facebook ever again, lest I have to lay eyes on that word. Am I the only person on the world wide web that can't stand this kind of thing?!

I could go on indefinitely but I have a statistics exam to complete.

Love Lisa.

はかない

Someone I was once close to, a lifetime ago, passed away. Probably the person closest to me that's ever passed away. I am not sure what happened, nor do I feel it is appropriate to ask at this point in time. I was in disbelief when I first found out, and it still feels surreal. I do feel so terribly for their family & friends, I can't imagine what they must be going through.

It comes as a rude awakening for me. If I die tomorrow, what will I have achieved in my 22 years? What will people remember me for? The girl that never stopped studying, that had too much self discipline to enjoy life?

I do apologise if I'm coming across as too self-absorbed in this post. I know I shouldn't exactly be thinking about me. But this, among other recent events, has made me re-evaluate my existence.

Don't leave till tomorrow what you can do today, savour the beautiful moments in life, leave behind any negativity and don't be afraid to do something new because life is fleetingly short.

Love Lisa.

Red Velvet Shmelvet

Am I the only person who prefers chocolate cupcakes over red velvet? Don't get me wrong, I love all cupcakes but I am not understanding the fuss over red velvet, nor the craze over macarons. Although, perhaps it is my inherent tendency to abhor anything that has become a 'trend' that is influencing my judgement.

In other news, I am ever so close to being employed for summer! I attended a group interview for Sunglass Hut on Wednesday and received a call from the manager that interviewed me today. She told me she really wants to hire me but just needs to speak to one of my references, both of whom did not answer their phone today (understandable as it is the weekend). She promised to try again on Tuesday but called today to ensure she would not 'leave me hanging', her words! She's so lovely :)

I also went through a week of assessments & exams. Had my 3rd and final cons practice exam on Friday, mixed feelings on how I went. I did better this time than last for sure, but whether it is enough for me to pass, only time will tell.

Next week is another hectic week and then after that is SwotVac & straight into 6 consecutive exams. Trying to not freak out about it, because the circumstances are so ridiculous I can't fathom how I will be able to study for everything within a 9 day period... I guess I'll just somehow deal with it along the way.

Also, I am so so desperate to get back into photography, but I'll have to wait until after exams as photoshop can consume days of my life without me realising.

Final note, bring on the warm weather Melbourne, I'm sick of wearing coats and sick of getting sick.

Until next time!

Love, Lisa.

Overload

It has been an incredibly long hiatus. This year is just going over my head and I'm drowning in it all. I wanted the first blog post that I wrote to be about sharing the better moments in my life but right now all I want to do is unload everything that's weighing me down.

First and foremost, I moved house. Initially it was exciting, I've always wanted my parents to own their own home. But it wasn't before long that it became the most stressful period of my life in the past half decade. Compounding this, I no longer even wanted to move, I know, it sounds ridiculous when I had so many complaints about my old house. But that old, creaky, carpeted, damask wallpapered house was my home for the past 17 years, it was everything I knew. Yes, you may think, of course it's normal to miss your old home, but my reaction was to the absolute extreme. Even now, a week after the move I still feel down about it.

Moving on, I failed an exam for the first time. It was a practical exam as well, the one part of dentistry I thought I was doing well in. Perhaps that was in my sub-conscious the past few months as well, the creeping thoughts that maybe I'll never be a good dentist and the next 4 years will be a terrible mistake. I keep thinking as well maybe I would have suited optom, or even med more, and it makes me feel sick inside.
Rationally, I know it's not as bad as I'm making it out to be but I've just been very cynical as of late.

I'll end this here as I don't want to bring myself or any one reading down with my negativity.

Until happier times,

Love Lisa.

Well Looky Here

It's been just over (or is it under?) 24 hours since my last post and I'm back on blogger!

I did manage to make it to pilates this morning, and the class highlighted the lack of upper body strength I've had my whole life. Try to get me into sage pose and my arms were wobbling like jello trying to hold myself up. This class was in stark contrast to yoga, it was very active, most of the participants were in my age range give or take 5 years and the instructor was super bubbly.

I did feel a hint of soreness straight afterward, but it's really building up now. Especially the glutes and obliques, muscles that I seldom engage in any activity.

The past few months I've noticed my natural flexibility diminishing, reaching my toes became the limit (forget  being able to get into the king pigeon pose without any effort). Yet right now I can place my knuckles on the floor whilst standing with little strain, something I haven't been able to do all year. Just goes to show I really have been to sentient for the past 4 years.

I should do one of those before and after photos. Am I being too hopeful to wish for any visible progress in a month or so?

Time for sleep so I can be awake for a long day of uni tomorrow.

Love Lisa.

What Can I Say

I'm a terrible blogger and have been for quite some time now.

I have started my second semester of my first year of dentistry.
The holidays, all 2 weeks of them, flew by, as one would expect.
And the start of this semester was far from ideal, I was quite sick and only in the past few days have I been feeling like my normal self.

In other news, I joined a gym near Daniel's. It's 24/7 and has group fitness classes, what more could I ask for? (Perhaps a spa.)
I have managed to attend my first ever yoga class. It was an interesting experience and it definitely left my body feeling all stretched out and balanced, if that makes sense.
It's a fairly basic class, I was probably one of the youngest in the class but that was good in a way, it just felt less threatening, since it was the first group class I've done without a friend. One small step to being an independent woman.
To get my money's worth I have to attend at least 1 class a week, I'm aiming for 2 plus at least 1 regular work out.

As I just told Daniel, I feel angsty and kind of hungry now that I think about it.
So I will say bonsoir for tonight, so I can be nice and fresh for pilates tomorrow.

Love Lisa.

Easter Break

Dear readers,

I'm 12 weeks into my first semester of dentistry. I'm terrified, it's a month til exams and I have no idea how I'm going to get through it.

In other news, I lost my phone on the night of Pauline's 21st. Then was convinced I found someone selling it on Gumtree, but it was sold to someone else before I had a chance to execute my elaborate plan to get it back. I was already in need of a new phone but I was waiting for the Google Nexus 6 to come out. Except now they're saying it won't be out until the end of the year. Great.

Besides Pauline's, also had Gemma, Jenny and Kathy's 21sts in the past 2 months.
And I attended the MDSS Trivia Night. Our team came dead last, it was still pretty fun though.

If any of you are from Melbourne, undoubtedly you know of H&M's recent opening at the GPO, as well as the Emporium's opening. The Emporium looks great, but something about it feels off to me, maybe I'm just not used to having what feels like a proper shopping centre in the CBD. My favourite Uniqlo is now in Melbourne. But sadly, the prices are unfathomably high compared to Japan. 

H&M, on the other hand, was a jungle. In both a literal and metaphorical sense. Daniel and I went a week after it's opening and there was still a line to get in. Albeit, the line moved fast so we were in there after 10 or so minutes. But just like Melbourne's Zara, everything in there was last season as I'd seen most of it in Japan. The prices were actually quite decent but in Japan the same items were on sale down to $5, rather than $20. So it still felt overpriced to me. I did end up finding a decent circle scarf, something I've been looking for for a while. Daniel also ended up getting me a beanie and belt (much needed), and a pair of pants for himself.

So now I have 4 days left to complete a mountain of work. Wish me luck!

Love Lisa.

Time For A Change

I know my misery is self-inflicted. I would hazard to guess that many people's are as well.
The more I think about it, the more I realise how stupid I am. Constantly, I'm prioritising others ahead of myself. I don't know why I thought I needed to shoulder everyone's problems and try to solve them.

What's worse is I've always known this.

In trying to ensure I do no wrong, by anyone, I have neglected myself. I have been, purposefully or unwittingly, ignorant to the damage I've caused when I put my life, my dreams, my passions on hold. Don't I sound jaded for a 21 year old.

The worst part is, because I've always taken every caution to not upset anyone, it's just expected that I will bend to the will of those around me. Even though this is not a normal thing to do, people unconsciously expect it from me. Even if it's something that any normal person wouldn't do, if I don't do it, the disappointment is almost palpable.

And you bet, in the end I'll be the one I'll be the one who comes out worse for wear.

'God' from one episode of futurama sums it up nicely:
"When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all."

So the best way to describe it succinctly is that I have unrealistic expectations placed upon me, which dictate my life and which were borne from my own naïveté.

The point I'm trying to make is, I need to do things that will make me happy for once. Instead of always thinking that my happiness will stem from pleasing others. I will endeavour to try to focus on what I want, and to not make excuses or feel guilty for doing so.

Apologies if I went in circles, it's been a long time since I've written a stream of consciousness.


Love Lisa.

PS. On a less serious note, my blog requires a serious aesthetic overhaul, 'time for a change', right? 

Week 3 Already

Time is just flying by, how have three weeks already passed?!
That also means it's been two weeks since Daniel left for Japan, and one week until he gets back. I can't wait. Yesterday, as you all would know, was Valentines. But as my beau is off in the land of sushi cats (that's cats dressed up as sushi and not sushi made of cats), I opted to have dinner with Tracey and Jenny. We had ramen, it was decent but leagues away from the amazing ramen we had at Ichiran in Tokyo.

Dental school has been quite intense, but I'm actually enjoying it even more than I thought it would. It's definitely no walk in the park, and it's very different from undergrad. In undergrad, I thought VCE was nothing in comparison. And now I see even in undergrad we were still being spoon fed. Post-graduate study, at least for DDS, is all about self-directed learning. So this means pre-reading, post-reading and just some more reading in any form you can imagine. You'd think I'd be great at this since I love to read. But somehow, I'm just not.

Anyway, I have a confession to make. Yesterday after class I went and bought myself some chocolates. On any other day that wouldn't be sad, but on the 14th it seems otherwise.

Time to read some oral anatomy textbooks!

Love Lisa.

Week One

I'm already one week into my dental course, and this week has flown by. I think I spent only 15% of it sleeping, which has not been good, to say the least.

Daniel left for Hong Kong on Thursday night, and I was more emotional than I expected. I told myself I'd pour all my efforts into studying, so I wouldn't miss him too much, but with my current lack of sleep it's been hard to concentrate on anything. Every day I've just been in a daze.

So tonight I endeavour to sleep no later than 12.30am.

Just as an aside, I am slowly editing Japan photos now, so hopefully I can get those up in the next few days.

Will update tomorrow.

Love Lisa.

Not Sure How To Feel

Orientation for dentistry starts this Thursday. I don't know how to feel.
I am excited to finally do a course that will lead to a definitive outcome, but I know the next 4 years are going to be so much harder than biomed. I just wish I had another month and enough money to go on another adventure overseas before I start. I only have 2 weeks break mid year so a trip overseas is out of the question until the end of the year. Hence why I'm so disappointed I didn't think of going away during the winter holidays last year, since it would have been summer everywhere else in the world.

I do feel as if my life is in disarray. I feel oddly purposeless and unmotivated. So maybe starting uni early is the best thing that could happen. Now that I think about it, every summer holidays for the past 3 years I've either worked or had summer school. So now I can understand why I feel the way I do.

Something that I will definitely start doing is more exercise, in any shape or form and eating healthier. The past few weeks I have been on runs with Sophie and Mel, as they both live close to me, but my diet has been worse than ever, to the point where I feel physically disgusted by what I've eaten on a daily basis.

In other news, Kyuubi was desexed on Monday. I'm hoping that in time he will become more calm, because he is definitely becoming exceedingly misbehaved, although his mouthy tendencies are becoming non-existent (thank goodness).

What's more, Daniel is leaving for Japan on the 31st, for 21 days! I'm definitely envious - even though I only got back from japan a month and a bit ago - and I'm going to miss him ever so much. Although we have been apart for more than 21 days before, that was over 3 years ago and I probably won't deal with it half as well this time around. So perhaps, once again, it's good that I have uni to preoccupy myself. All I can say is, I better be whatsapp'd on a 6 hour (max) basis, lest I go crazy.

In conclusion, I am tired, it is 1.41am, and I told myself I'd change my sleeping habits before uni starts (which gives me about 6 days for that to happen, i.e. it's not going to happen).

Goodnight!

Love Lisa.

No Excuses

Well dearest blog readers, I have no excuse, I have been so neglectful of updating this blog one might say I've been avoiding it on purpose. I don't know why, I have no good reason. I've had plenty of spare time the past month.

So my 2014 blog resolution, at least update this every week (I'm practically scoffing at myself already).

I can't believe I didn't blog my Japan trip. Yes, I went to Japan. I don't even think I mentioned that til now.
It was a wonderful experience, I only wish I could have gone with Daniel but in the future we will definitely go there together :)

So some big things happened at the end of 2013. And my god, I'm seriously noticing my lack of blogging has caused a significant decline in my general writing skills. This is no good.

But back to the 'big things' (my vocab, what has become of you!). Last year I applied for post graduate courses in optometry, dentistry and medicine. Dentistry is what I hoped to get into. Medicine was just for the sake of it, I've never wanted to do it and I never thought I could get in anyway.

But come August, and I received an early offer for optometry and a interview for Melb Uni medicine a few week after that. I was terrified. At Melb Uni (and various other unis) the interviews are really 'multiple mini interviews' aka MMIs. 8 rooms, 1 interviewer in each, different scenarios/questions for each room. If you've followed my blog you'll know interviews are the bane of my very existence.

But on the day of my interview which was during the mid sem break in semester 2 I was oddly calm. I hadn't done much preparation, besides from going through past questions a few days before. Long story short, it wasn't bad at all. There was a lovely interviewer who was my first and last station whom I made a real connection with. I actually felt at ease and didn't jumble my words and look like a fool.

And guess what, I ended up getting offers for both med and dent at Melbourne. And to think earlier that year I was scared I wasn't going to be able to get into a single post graduate course.

I had an amazing 10 day trip to Japan after exams (which I will attempt to dedicate a post to this weekend). Graduated on the 19th of Dec, which was the 40 degree day for those of you who weren't there.

And in a few weeks time I'll be starting my course in dentistry. Can you believe it? My life is finally going somewhere, I can finally see a finish line, which will only take me 4 years to reach.


Love Lisa.