The weeks are flying by and I can't keep up.
I feel like I'm really developing anxiety over finishing university and having to find a job. I don't think I've slept well since the day of the viva.
I remember earlier in the year there were a really good two weeks where I slept 8 hours every night and I had never felt better. My mind was so fresh.
These days the later at night it gets, the more my mind begins to churn over every negative thought, eventually I fall asleep from exhaustion but I wake up sluggish.
I'm on a one week break before I go to Shepparton. I was so excited to go on rural placement at the start of the year, now even this is giving me slight anxiety. Every time I think of it I can feel my heart rate rising and my throat drying.
What is going on.
Love Lisa.
Monday, September 4, 2017
Monday, August 28, 2017
Failure
So I failed my first exam.
I am conflicted, as I both feel I deserved to fail, based on the exam and my lack of in depth knowledge on the topic. But I also feel injustice, as I know if every student had been asked the same questions as me, more would have failed as well.
Other students scored very highly in the exam. I have no doubt that some of these students are smarter than me and would always score higher than me. But perhaps if I had their examiners, I would not have done so miserably. No, I definitely would not have done so poorly.
Luck of the draw, I suppose. I don't want to be a whinger. But I am one.
Just need to really buckle down and study for the remaining assessments.
Love Lisa.
I am conflicted, as I both feel I deserved to fail, based on the exam and my lack of in depth knowledge on the topic. But I also feel injustice, as I know if every student had been asked the same questions as me, more would have failed as well.
Other students scored very highly in the exam. I have no doubt that some of these students are smarter than me and would always score higher than me. But perhaps if I had their examiners, I would not have done so miserably. No, I definitely would not have done so poorly.
Luck of the draw, I suppose. I don't want to be a whinger. But I am one.
Just need to really buckle down and study for the remaining assessments.
Love Lisa.
Thursday, August 10, 2017
On Repeat
Okay, the people around me seem to often tell me the same thing again or repeat the same story and not realise they've told me before. Sometimes more than twice.
I'm not sure whether it is me specifically they can't remember telling things to, if most people are forgetful or I'm just a strange person that remembers most things people tell me...
It is driving me a little nuts.
The worst is when I've taught someone or advised someone how to do something, then they bring it up again months later and try to teach me what I taught them in the first place?!
Maybe it's also my fault because I don't seem to be able to bring myself to tell the other person that they're on bloody repeat and I can basically recount their story word for word.
Ugh maybe I'm just being haughty and/or petty, forgive me if I am.
It's just that a similar scenario happened today too. It's late, I've had a ridiculously long day.
Love Lisa.
I'm not sure whether it is me specifically they can't remember telling things to, if most people are forgetful or I'm just a strange person that remembers most things people tell me...
It is driving me a little nuts.
The worst is when I've taught someone or advised someone how to do something, then they bring it up again months later and try to teach me what I taught them in the first place?!
Exhibit A
A friend pointed out she owns the same shoes at me, she saw the way I tied my shoelaces and was intrigued, she said she's never thought of tying her laces like that. Months later we're both wearing the same shoes on the same day, she points out 'hey look we have the same shoes and omg we tie them the say way too!'
Maybe it's also my fault because I don't seem to be able to bring myself to tell the other person that they're on bloody repeat and I can basically recount their story word for word.
Ugh maybe I'm just being haughty and/or petty, forgive me if I am.
It's just that a similar scenario happened today too. It's late, I've had a ridiculously long day.
Over and out,
Love Lisa.
Friday, July 7, 2017
Hindsight is 20/20
Probably the most significant thing that has occurred since my last post, I'm blonde!
Well more an ash grey-blonde but still, it's a big change.
I'm still growing to love it, there are moments where I look in the mirror and I'm like hmm something just isn't right. But I think it's just because it's such a dramatic difference.
My hair is also significantly shorter than it used to be, and now looking back at picture from a few years ago I am genuinely shocked by how long my hair really was. Everything really is relative.
So it's July already. Half a year has gone by in the blink of an eye.
I don't recall if I already wrote this but if I have then here it is again for emphasis. I am so ready to graduate. At the end of last year I became all nostalgic and what not about the prospect of graduating. But this yeah has burnt me out, no, scratch that, almost seven years of university has burnt me out. Moreover, I feel confident in myself. There have even been numerous times I have disagreed with a clinical supervisor's directive but unfortunately I am not in a position to disagree. Hence, I am ready for freedom, ready to provide treatment I am 100% happy with.
Just a viva voce exam coming up quite soon that I really need to study for. But have no idea how to study for. Help.
Love Lisa.
Well more an ash grey-blonde but still, it's a big change.
I'm still growing to love it, there are moments where I look in the mirror and I'm like hmm something just isn't right. But I think it's just because it's such a dramatic difference.
My hair is also significantly shorter than it used to be, and now looking back at picture from a few years ago I am genuinely shocked by how long my hair really was. Everything really is relative.
So it's July already. Half a year has gone by in the blink of an eye.
I don't recall if I already wrote this but if I have then here it is again for emphasis. I am so ready to graduate. At the end of last year I became all nostalgic and what not about the prospect of graduating. But this yeah has burnt me out, no, scratch that, almost seven years of university has burnt me out. Moreover, I feel confident in myself. There have even been numerous times I have disagreed with a clinical supervisor's directive but unfortunately I am not in a position to disagree. Hence, I am ready for freedom, ready to provide treatment I am 100% happy with.
Just a viva voce exam coming up quite soon that I really need to study for. But have no idea how to study for. Help.
Love Lisa.
Friday, June 2, 2017
It's Never Too Late
So today I discovered an app called Duolingo, perhaps I'm very late to find out about it.
But it is fantastic, I've used it for no more than 20min and already picked up on some bare minimum Spanish. I was hoping it would have Chinese, since I really would like to improve but alas it does not.
I found another similar app for Chinese though, 'ChineseSkill'.
So I think it's time to 提高我的中文水平/ ti gao wo de zhong wen shui ping ('improve my chinese skill'), I'm actually quite shocked I managed to remember that phrase in its entirety. Good to know there's still something rattling up there in the old noggin. Or really I would be happy to just get my Chinese back to my VCE level.
I think I've been putting off starting because I know I have to almost start from scratch, and I'm disappointed in myself for not maintaining the skill I used to have. Oh the things we learn in hindsight. But dwelling on such feelings is getting me nowhere.
Here's to new future goals,
Love Lisa.
But it is fantastic, I've used it for no more than 20min and already picked up on some bare minimum Spanish. I was hoping it would have Chinese, since I really would like to improve but alas it does not.
I found another similar app for Chinese though, 'ChineseSkill'.
So I think it's time to 提高我的中文水平/ ti gao wo de zhong wen shui ping ('improve my chinese skill'), I'm actually quite shocked I managed to remember that phrase in its entirety. Good to know there's still something rattling up there in the old noggin. Or really I would be happy to just get my Chinese back to my VCE level.
I think I've been putting off starting because I know I have to almost start from scratch, and I'm disappointed in myself for not maintaining the skill I used to have. Oh the things we learn in hindsight. But dwelling on such feelings is getting me nowhere.
Here's to new future goals,
Love Lisa.
Thursday, May 18, 2017
Tortoise
Some days I feel like I'm in a haze, having an out of body experience, if you will. And on those days I'm listless. Other days I'm so energised, clear-minded and ready to go.
Well, I'm meeting my mentor tomorrow, I hope I experience the latter form of day as I have so many uncertainties and concerns and yet I'm struggling to pen to paper, to form comprehensible questions that I can articulate.
Today I am a tortoise.
Love Lisa.
Well, I'm meeting my mentor tomorrow, I hope I experience the latter form of day as I have so many uncertainties and concerns and yet I'm struggling to pen to paper, to form comprehensible questions that I can articulate.
Today I am a tortoise.
Love Lisa.
Monday, May 1, 2017
Feelin' Good
Today was a good day. I think I doubt myself too much.
I have the skills and knowledge to be a very adequate clinician.
I just need to trust in my judgement, because the year is flying by and soon I'll be out in practice making decisions on my own.
I think my exodontia skills, and overall speed have markedly improved and I'm proud.
Think positive thoughts,
Love Lisa.
I have the skills and knowledge to be a very adequate clinician.
I just need to trust in my judgement, because the year is flying by and soon I'll be out in practice making decisions on my own.
I think my exodontia skills, and overall speed have markedly improved and I'm proud.
Think positive thoughts,
Love Lisa.
Tuesday, March 28, 2017
So Lucky
So I went through of phase of watching animal documentaries e.g. Blackfish, The Cove
Both of which reminded me how much I love dolphins and whales. I even created a 'website' in primary school about how dolphins should not be captivity. I was obsessed, and then I just forgot about it all one day.
Eventually I found myself to watching Be Here Now, which follows Andy Whitfield's journey with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. Andy was the lead in the tv series Spartacus, he was at the pinnacle of his career when he was diagnosed and then all of that vanished.
And so I think to myself, I more or less have no problems compared in my life. But what am I doing to make the most of my life. I feel like it's already slipping away from me. This year I turn 25, a quarter of a century. What are the chances I'd live to 100? Not high (going by general statistics), so what have I done so far, in what is more than a quarter of my life on this earth?
Why do I beat myself up over small, trivial things? I'm constantly wracked with guilt over things I shouldn't even give a second thought to.
I know, I'm still young right, still have plenty of time to change and be better. I am so privileged to be healthy, to have grown up in a loving environment with many friends, to be in a first world country with endless opportunities on my doorstep. But I don't know how to make it happen.
How will I be remembered? Who will remember me?
Is this an almost-quarter life crisis?
Nah, trust me when the quarter life crisis hits there will be no question about it.
That's about enough ruminating for tonight,
Love Lisa.
Both of which reminded me how much I love dolphins and whales. I even created a 'website' in primary school about how dolphins should not be captivity. I was obsessed, and then I just forgot about it all one day.
Eventually I found myself to watching Be Here Now, which follows Andy Whitfield's journey with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. Andy was the lead in the tv series Spartacus, he was at the pinnacle of his career when he was diagnosed and then all of that vanished.
And so I think to myself, I more or less have no problems compared in my life. But what am I doing to make the most of my life. I feel like it's already slipping away from me. This year I turn 25, a quarter of a century. What are the chances I'd live to 100? Not high (going by general statistics), so what have I done so far, in what is more than a quarter of my life on this earth?
Why do I beat myself up over small, trivial things? I'm constantly wracked with guilt over things I shouldn't even give a second thought to.
I know, I'm still young right, still have plenty of time to change and be better. I am so privileged to be healthy, to have grown up in a loving environment with many friends, to be in a first world country with endless opportunities on my doorstep. But I don't know how to make it happen.
How will I be remembered? Who will remember me?
Is this blog the only thing that will remain? What a terribly depressing thought.
Is this an almost-quarter life crisis?
Nah, trust me when the quarter life crisis hits there will be no question about it.
That's about enough ruminating for tonight,
Love Lisa.
Wednesday, February 8, 2017
Hopeful
It has been a good week.
Today, I did a 25 buccal cusp build up that was aesthetic, smooth and in a fairly decent amount of time.
But wait there's more :o
I actually made a good suggestion to use an intraligamentary injection for LA, which helped to finally anaesthetise a patient who required an extraction. I haven't even done an intraligamentary infiltration before, I've only heard about it in theory. I know it's super lame, but I'm quite proud of myself. It gives me hope since I will be working by myself after this year.
A small win, but every win counts.
I'm also definitely getting faster! About time, right?! I managed to see two patients in 1.5 hours (an hour less than what was scheduled) and finish all my notes in that time, mind you this is with an extreme shortage of dental assistance and waiting on demonstrators to check our work.
:)
Love Lisa.
Today, I did a 25 buccal cusp build up that was aesthetic, smooth and in a fairly decent amount of time.
But wait there's more :o
I actually made a good suggestion to use an intraligamentary injection for LA, which helped to finally anaesthetise a patient who required an extraction. I haven't even done an intraligamentary infiltration before, I've only heard about it in theory. I know it's super lame, but I'm quite proud of myself. It gives me hope since I will be working by myself after this year.
A small win, but every win counts.
I'm also definitely getting faster! About time, right?! I managed to see two patients in 1.5 hours (an hour less than what was scheduled) and finish all my notes in that time, mind you this is with an extreme shortage of dental assistance and waiting on demonstrators to check our work.
:)
Love Lisa.
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