Tuesday, March 28, 2017

So Lucky

So I went through of phase of watching animal documentaries e.g. Blackfish, The Cove
Both of which reminded me how much I love dolphins and whales. I even created a 'website' in primary school about how dolphins should not be captivity. I was obsessed, and then I just forgot about it all one day.

Eventually I found myself to watching Be Here Now, which follows Andy Whitfield's journey with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. Andy was the lead in the tv series Spartacus, he was at the pinnacle of his career when he was diagnosed and then all of that vanished.

And so I think to myself, I more or less have no problems compared in my life. But what am I doing to make the most of my life. I feel like it's already slipping away from me. This year I turn 25, a quarter of a century. What are the chances I'd live to 100? Not high (going by general statistics), so what have I done so far, in what is more than a quarter of my life on this earth?

Why do I beat myself up over small, trivial things? I'm constantly wracked with guilt over things I shouldn't even give a second thought to.

I know, I'm still young right, still have plenty of time to change and be better. I am so privileged to be healthy, to have grown up in a loving environment with many friends, to be in a first world country with endless opportunities on my doorstep. But I don't know how to make it happen.

How will I be remembered? Who will remember me?
Is this blog the only thing that will remain? What a terribly depressing thought.

Is this an almost-quarter life crisis?
Nah, trust me when the quarter life crisis hits there will be no question about it.

That's about enough ruminating for tonight,


Love Lisa.

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