How Did I Get Here

What happened to me?

Last night I picked up the book, Into Thin Air, that I had started whilst in Nepal, i.e. around mid January (and have neglected since then) and finally finished it. It took barely any time and it made me sad. Both the actual contents of the book and my recently reoccurring realisation (alliteration eyy) that I really haven't spent time doing the things I love. Reading has been one of my favourite past times since primary school, but the past few years, I've read so so very few books that I could count them on one hand.

And what has stopped me? I could say oh I've been busy, I've had classes, I've had work etc. But reading actually calms me and makes me happy, I could have easily found time to read at least a few books in one year. Yet I haven't.

The last time I picked up my camera and took photos that actually made me happy was at the Andy Warhol x Ai Wei Wei exhibition. Prior to that, I can't remember when I took photos for leisure.
I used to be able to find beauty in a drop of water on a clothes line, in a rusty old coin, in a shadow cast by lace curtains, but where has any of my inspiration gone?

I have failed to see how unhappy I've made myself over the past few years, especially since starting dentistry. Not that dentistry itself is my source of unhappiness, but the fact that I've put my energy into the wrong things. I feel I've wasted precious time, that I'm never going to get back.

So I must turnover a new leaf. No one can change these things but me. The first step is that I've finally made this realisation. Feeling sad is only squandering more time.

Be pro-active, you only have one life.

I've already bought a new book, which will hopefully arrive soon and I'm listening to the audiobook, A Short History On Everything, and it is absolutely fantastic! I've pulled out my old library card, and I've already reserved 3 books (who can afford to buy so many after all).

I feel good. Less negative posts to come. Watch this space.

Love Lisa.