Square One

Why this long hiatus after I said I would post more often?
Blogger/my internet just has not been loading the new post page until today. Ridiculous I know.

 It's been so long since I've written anything meaningful I think I've actually forgotten how to really write. I feel like I have the English language skills of a 15 year old.
Just another thing I was once good at, but am no longer.

 So we started treating patients at MDC, a private clinic owned by the uni. Honestly, when I first started, I hated it. I felt like it was my first day treating a patient ever, I felt so slow and useless. I guess I hated my own incompetency rather than the actual clinic.

And I'm sure that's how I'll feel once I get out into the real world and it terrifies me.
I know no one is great when they first start out, and surely in the whole scheme of things I'm actually not half bad. But the self-doubt is suffocating.

Which leads me to my next nightmare. How do I find a job. I don't even know where to start, and I know you might be thinking I have another whole year but it's hard pressed finding a job in dentistry these days. From what I heard as week or two ago, only 3 of this year's graduates had secured jobs. Not saying the rest won't be able to find jobs but it's tough.

So in my 'holidays' thus far, I've been working (clinic) and working (retail).

I would really really love to pick up something next year. I'm considering kick boxing. I want something to aim towards that will be fun and improve my fitness.

The one thing I really need to keep in check is my diet. Once I start exercising I become ravenous, like I will eat non-stop, which really just negates doing exercise in the first place.

Why must hot chips taste so good? Sigh.


Love Lisa.

Beginning of the End

I'm far too sleepy to write a long post.

4 key things happened today:

• Finished my 8th and last (viva voce) exam for the year - it did not go well but I'm glad its over
• Donald Trump = POTUS
• Cuddled an adorable 12 week old puppy
• Levelled up to 26 in Pokemon Go (yes, that's right I'm still playing), after at least a month or more on level 25

Now that uni's out, surely I can post more consistently, right?!

Love Lisa.

Bird's The Word

Title unrelated, just the first thing that came to mind.

I'm tired, I'm sick. Ha, yes, sick again.
I think I was genuinely (low-key) sick for about 2 months from July, then I had a good 6 weeks, and here I am again. Sweeeet.

But worst case scenario, I have the 10km Melbourne Marathon tomorrow.
Remember my hopes and aspirations to cut 10min off my time compared to last year? Well they're now down the toilet. I would be happy to be able to run 10km without stopping. Yeah, sounds like what I said last year, hey. But at least last year I wasn't sick!

Gah, I'm so annoyed.

Exams in two weeks. 8 exams...consecutively...

:'(

Love Lisa.

A Couple Of Things

And by a couple I mean a whole lot.

I'm 8 weeks into semester 2, where has two months gone..?
I know there's so so SO much to study for the end of years exams but I don't know where to begin :(

Daniel & I celebrated 6 years with a delicious dinner at Cumulus Inc, last time he was sick and this time I was sick. Despite my dulled sense of taste due to a very blocked nose, it was still a delicious and enjoyable meal.

I got eyelash extensions 3.5 weeks ago for the first time. And note this is something I've wanted to do since high school. I'm really efficient in ticking off the To Do list, aren't I? They looked fab and there's a bargain Korean place in the city. They lasted 3 weeks quite well but going into week 4 they're starting to look scraggly, I should have taken photos to show the progressive loss. Next time. However, I definitely have noticed that my natural eyelashes are a bit more sparse so I don't think I'll do eyelashes again until maybe the end of the year? We will see how I feel.

Pokemon Go. How have I not spoken about this beautiful game yet. And please, I had been waiting for this game to come out for 1-2 years. I am not someone who just hopped on the bandwagon, Pokemon was 100% my favourite game growing up, so playing Pokemon Go is a natural progression.

My birthday was last week and I'm definitely in denial that I've aged another year. Help meee. I requested to be taken to Altona Beach to go pokemon hunting heheh. Also to enjoy some extra delicious ribs from Ribs & Burgers!!

Anyway I'm dead tired and I was actually meant to come on here to rant about a specific topic, which I have now forgotten about since I got side tracked realising how much I have yet to write about. One more thing, my memory is so much worse than it used to be, and it's never been good.

-_____-

Over and out muchachos!


Love Lisa.

Shanghai

I recently went to Shanghai for the first time in 17 years, and my heart broke.
I think it is evident that I'm emotionally fragile and the realisation that I've neglected my only living grandparents for almost two decades was too much for me.
The first few days I constantly teetered on the edge of bawling my eyes out.
Even typing this now is making me incredibly emotional.
Can someone teach me not to feel so damn much?! It's draining.
I tried to be the best possible granddaughter but the language barrier limited our conversations to such basic topics.
Again, I regret ever so much not continuing to learn Chinese in university.
In year 12, my reading skills were quite good and now, I have nothing to show for 5 years of study.

I have come out of this realising life is so finite and what the hell am I doing with mine?
Was choosing to study at university for 7 years really the right choice?
So many of my friends are now working and enjoying life, spending it with their loved ones.
And I'm constantly conflicted, guilted by one thing or the other, never truly living.
Some people exclaim with amazement that I've been studying for so long, and it is not until now that I can see from their point of view.
Yet, I'm so far in, to stop now would be crazy. Right?

But I digress, I'll try to write a proper post on Shanghai when I get my emotions in check.

Love Lisa.

Finding Myself

I finished listening to A Short History Of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson and I wished it wouldn't end. But I always feel that way about good books. Highly recommended to anyone looking for a book to read or audiobook to listen to. I would have happily read it (and could have finished it far faster), but I wanted something I could listen to when I was travelling around and unable to sit down and read a physical book.

The book spoke about many people who devoted decades and sometimes their whole lives to studying and researching one thing. I wish I could find such a passion in one thing. But few things seem to hold my attention for longer than a few weeks let alone years.

I have this desperate urge to be really good at something, yet I don't do anything to try to achieve this. Instead, I find interest in everything and dabble in this and that. Perhaps I could have been a good drawer if I kept going to art classes and practiced more. Perhaps I could have been a ballerina if I continued to take ballet classes at the tender age of 3.

Instead I'm finding myself lost (sounds like quite the oxymoron), and I don't like it.

But as I said in my previous post, I'm turning a new leaf. Let's make something happen. Any progress is better than none.

So far I've either eaten fast food once or not at all. I can't even remember the start of the week. And I shall not be eating any this weekend. Hand on heart.

In light of recent news, i.e. the Logies. Actually, first let me preface this with the statement that I don't watch much television, and when I do, it's rarely Australian television.
I have never watched the Logies but I am so glad that Waleed Aly won.
He and his wife Susan Carland are two of the most inspiring people I've ever heard speak.

I watched the below video 3-4 years ago and to this day I've never heard such a succinct and accurate explanation of the human condition. Also note the video has ~500 views last time I checked and it definitely deserves more, as pointed out by the only commenter on the video.




Also this reminds me, the last 2 'presentations' I had to do, I think I was much less nervous that I have been in the past. My voice broke far fewer times and my face didn't turn as red as usual. Baby steps, right? I'll get there.

Sleep calls.

Love Lisa.

Step Towards Health

And away from CVD and diabetes. I'm starting to get quite concerned. As the years pass, my metabolism is slowing, eating bad is making feel incredibly sluggish and I'm definitely putting on weight. Ever since the start of last year, my overall health has definitely plummeted to an all time low.

So the current goals are:

• Run 5km under 30min (PB so far is 4km in 26:14)
• Go to gym twice a week (at the start of last year I was going every second day -__-)
• Eat fast food <1 a week, and then I want to decrease this to once a fortnight (sounds easy enough, but I'm a glutton)

Achievable, right?! :D

Love Lisa.