Christmas Casual

After almost 40 job applications (no exaggeration), 4 interview offers and 1 interview actually attended. I have finally been employed for the summer, well I've yet to sign a contract but I've gotten the email welcoming to the company. To think I almost passed up the opportunity as well, as I had to skip a few hours of uni for the interview.

I need to shift my view of myself. I was definitely always a shy and unconfident girl growing up. And even though I've changed, I still always think I will fall flat on my face in social interactions, including job interviews. I always assumed that people weren't going to like me for who I am, so I didn't speak, always afraid I'll make a fool out of myself. Look, I did stumble over some words and got a little flustered in my interview but I didn't let it get to me, and it worked out for me in the end.

So really, it was always me holding myself back. Overanalysing every situation, replaying conversations in my mind, feeling embarrassed I acted a certain way and always scared of being wrong. I'm not suddenly some confident, sassy, dare I say, woman?! (I still feel young, but calling me a woman sounds weird.) But I'm also far from being the tight-lipped and (seemingly) unapproachable girl I was in my childhood.

There's hope for me yet,

Love Lisa.

"Still a better love story than..."

You know what comes next. With every comment on videos, photos, new articles even, I lose a little hope in the internet community. It makes me cringe so much on the inside (I'm sure my face is probably puckering up in distaste as well), then when I see a multitude of people liking those posts, my insides just shrivel up and wither away.

Since I'm on a roll, the term 'bae' makes me want to never open up instagram or facebook ever again, lest I have to lay eyes on that word. Am I the only person on the world wide web that can't stand this kind of thing?!

I could go on indefinitely but I have a statistics exam to complete.

Love Lisa.

はかない

Someone I was once close to, a lifetime ago, passed away. Probably the person closest to me that's ever passed away. I am not sure what happened, nor do I feel it is appropriate to ask at this point in time. I was in disbelief when I first found out, and it still feels surreal. I do feel so terribly for their family & friends, I can't imagine what they must be going through.

It comes as a rude awakening for me. If I die tomorrow, what will I have achieved in my 22 years? What will people remember me for? The girl that never stopped studying, that had too much self discipline to enjoy life?

I do apologise if I'm coming across as too self-absorbed in this post. I know I shouldn't exactly be thinking about me. But this, among other recent events, has made me re-evaluate my existence.

Don't leave till tomorrow what you can do today, savour the beautiful moments in life, leave behind any negativity and don't be afraid to do something new because life is fleetingly short.

Love Lisa.

Red Velvet Shmelvet

Am I the only person who prefers chocolate cupcakes over red velvet? Don't get me wrong, I love all cupcakes but I am not understanding the fuss over red velvet, nor the craze over macarons. Although, perhaps it is my inherent tendency to abhor anything that has become a 'trend' that is influencing my judgement.

In other news, I am ever so close to being employed for summer! I attended a group interview for Sunglass Hut on Wednesday and received a call from the manager that interviewed me today. She told me she really wants to hire me but just needs to speak to one of my references, both of whom did not answer their phone today (understandable as it is the weekend). She promised to try again on Tuesday but called today to ensure she would not 'leave me hanging', her words! She's so lovely :)

I also went through a week of assessments & exams. Had my 3rd and final cons practice exam on Friday, mixed feelings on how I went. I did better this time than last for sure, but whether it is enough for me to pass, only time will tell.

Next week is another hectic week and then after that is SwotVac & straight into 6 consecutive exams. Trying to not freak out about it, because the circumstances are so ridiculous I can't fathom how I will be able to study for everything within a 9 day period... I guess I'll just somehow deal with it along the way.

Also, I am so so desperate to get back into photography, but I'll have to wait until after exams as photoshop can consume days of my life without me realising.

Final note, bring on the warm weather Melbourne, I'm sick of wearing coats and sick of getting sick.

Until next time!

Love, Lisa.

Overload

It has been an incredibly long hiatus. This year is just going over my head and I'm drowning in it all. I wanted the first blog post that I wrote to be about sharing the better moments in my life but right now all I want to do is unload everything that's weighing me down.

First and foremost, I moved house. Initially it was exciting, I've always wanted my parents to own their own home. But it wasn't before long that it became the most stressful period of my life in the past half decade. Compounding this, I no longer even wanted to move, I know, it sounds ridiculous when I had so many complaints about my old house. But that old, creaky, carpeted, damask wallpapered house was my home for the past 17 years, it was everything I knew. Yes, you may think, of course it's normal to miss your old home, but my reaction was to the absolute extreme. Even now, a week after the move I still feel down about it.

Moving on, I failed an exam for the first time. It was a practical exam as well, the one part of dentistry I thought I was doing well in. Perhaps that was in my sub-conscious the past few months as well, the creeping thoughts that maybe I'll never be a good dentist and the next 4 years will be a terrible mistake. I keep thinking as well maybe I would have suited optom, or even med more, and it makes me feel sick inside.
Rationally, I know it's not as bad as I'm making it out to be but I've just been very cynical as of late.

I'll end this here as I don't want to bring myself or any one reading down with my negativity.

Until happier times,

Love Lisa.

Well Looky Here

It's been just over (or is it under?) 24 hours since my last post and I'm back on blogger!

I did manage to make it to pilates this morning, and the class highlighted the lack of upper body strength I've had my whole life. Try to get me into sage pose and my arms were wobbling like jello trying to hold myself up. This class was in stark contrast to yoga, it was very active, most of the participants were in my age range give or take 5 years and the instructor was super bubbly.

I did feel a hint of soreness straight afterward, but it's really building up now. Especially the glutes and obliques, muscles that I seldom engage in any activity.

The past few months I've noticed my natural flexibility diminishing, reaching my toes became the limit (forget  being able to get into the king pigeon pose without any effort). Yet right now I can place my knuckles on the floor whilst standing with little strain, something I haven't been able to do all year. Just goes to show I really have been to sentient for the past 4 years.

I should do one of those before and after photos. Am I being too hopeful to wish for any visible progress in a month or so?

Time for sleep so I can be awake for a long day of uni tomorrow.

Love Lisa.

What Can I Say

I'm a terrible blogger and have been for quite some time now.

I have started my second semester of my first year of dentistry.
The holidays, all 2 weeks of them, flew by, as one would expect.
And the start of this semester was far from ideal, I was quite sick and only in the past few days have I been feeling like my normal self.

In other news, I joined a gym near Daniel's. It's 24/7 and has group fitness classes, what more could I ask for? (Perhaps a spa.)
I have managed to attend my first ever yoga class. It was an interesting experience and it definitely left my body feeling all stretched out and balanced, if that makes sense.
It's a fairly basic class, I was probably one of the youngest in the class but that was good in a way, it just felt less threatening, since it was the first group class I've done without a friend. One small step to being an independent woman.
To get my money's worth I have to attend at least 1 class a week, I'm aiming for 2 plus at least 1 regular work out.

As I just told Daniel, I feel angsty and kind of hungry now that I think about it.
So I will say bonsoir for tonight, so I can be nice and fresh for pilates tomorrow.

Love Lisa.