Hindsight is 20/20

Probably the most significant thing that has occurred since my last post, I'm blonde!
Well more an ash grey-blonde but still, it's a big change.
I'm still growing to love it, there are moments where I look in the mirror and I'm like hmm something just isn't right. But I think it's just because it's such a dramatic difference.

My hair is also significantly shorter than it used to be, and now looking back at picture from a few years ago I am genuinely shocked by how long my hair really was. Everything really is relative.

So it's July already. Half a year has gone by in the blink of an eye.

I don't recall if I already wrote this but if I have then here it is again for emphasis. I am so ready to graduate. At the end of last year I became all nostalgic and what not about the prospect of graduating. But this yeah has burnt me out, no, scratch that, almost seven years of university has burnt me out. Moreover, I feel confident in myself. There have even been numerous times I have disagreed with a clinical supervisor's directive but unfortunately I am not in a position to disagree. Hence, I am ready for freedom, ready to provide treatment I am 100% happy with.

Just a viva voce exam coming up quite soon that I really need to study for. But have no idea how to study for. Help.

Love Lisa.

It's Never Too Late

So today I discovered an app called Duolingo, perhaps I'm very late to find out about it.
But it is fantastic, I've used it for no more than 20min and already picked up on some bare minimum Spanish. I was hoping it would have Chinese, since I really would like to improve but alas it does not.

I found another similar app for Chinese though, 'ChineseSkill'.
So I think it's time to 提高我的中文水平/ ti gao wo de zhong wen shui ping ('improve my chinese skill'), I'm actually quite shocked I managed to remember that phrase in its entirety. Good to know there's still something rattling up there in the old noggin. Or really I would be happy to just get my Chinese back to my VCE level.

I think I've been putting off starting because I know I have to almost start from scratch, and I'm disappointed in myself for not maintaining the skill I used to have. Oh the things we learn in hindsight. But dwelling on such feelings is getting me nowhere.

Here's to new future goals,

Love Lisa.

Tortoise

Some days I feel like I'm in a haze, having an out of body experience, if you will. And on those days I'm listless. Other days I'm so energised, clear-minded and ready to go.

Well, I'm meeting my mentor tomorrow, I hope I experience the latter form of day as I have so many uncertainties and concerns and yet I'm struggling to pen to paper, to form comprehensible questions that I can articulate.

Today I am a tortoise.

Love Lisa.

Feelin' Good

Today was a good day. I think I doubt myself too much.
I have the skills and knowledge to be a very adequate clinician.
I just need to trust in my judgement, because the year is flying by and soon I'll be out in practice making decisions on my own.

I think my exodontia skills, and overall speed have markedly improved and I'm proud.

Think positive thoughts,

Love Lisa.

So Lucky

So I went through of phase of watching animal documentaries e.g. Blackfish, The Cove
Both of which reminded me how much I love dolphins and whales. I even created a 'website' in primary school about how dolphins should not be captivity. I was obsessed, and then I just forgot about it all one day.

Eventually I found myself to watching Be Here Now, which follows Andy Whitfield's journey with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. Andy was the lead in the tv series Spartacus, he was at the pinnacle of his career when he was diagnosed and then all of that vanished.

And so I think to myself, I more or less have no problems compared in my life. But what am I doing to make the most of my life. I feel like it's already slipping away from me. This year I turn 25, a quarter of a century. What are the chances I'd live to 100? Not high (going by general statistics), so what have I done so far, in what is more than a quarter of my life on this earth?

Why do I beat myself up over small, trivial things? I'm constantly wracked with guilt over things I shouldn't even give a second thought to.

I know, I'm still young right, still have plenty of time to change and be better. I am so privileged to be healthy, to have grown up in a loving environment with many friends, to be in a first world country with endless opportunities on my doorstep. But I don't know how to make it happen.

How will I be remembered? Who will remember me?

Is this blog the only thing that will remain? What a terribly depressing thought.

Is this an almost-quarter life crisis?
Nah, trust me when the quarter life crisis hits there will be no question about it.

That's about enough ruminating for tonight,


Love Lisa.

Hopeful

It has been a good week.

Today, I did a 25 buccal cusp build up that was aesthetic, smooth and in a fairly decent amount of time.

But wait there's more :o

I actually made a good suggestion to use an intraligamentary injection for LA, which helped to finally anaesthetise a patient who required an extraction. I haven't even done an intraligamentary infiltration before, I've only heard about it in theory. I know it's super lame, but I'm quite proud of myself. It gives me hope since I will be working by myself after this year.

A small win, but every win counts.

I'm also definitely getting faster! About time, right?! I managed to see two patients in 1.5 hours (an hour less than what was scheduled) and finish all my notes in that time, mind you this is with an extreme shortage of dental assistance and waiting on demonstrators to check our work.

:)

Love Lisa.

Later 2016

This has officially been the fastest year of my life.
I feel like the older I get, the faster time is passing me by and I can't catch up.

I know this will sound quite depressing but I do feel like somewhat of a disappointment at the moment. To others and to myself. I can't pinpoint what exactly is the source of this, probably because it's a culmination of many things.

Negativity aside, all in all it has been a good year.

It wasn't easy, in fact, it was one of the hardest years (of uni) but I buckled down and made it through.
I feel like next year will be a big change, I have a different group for placement next year. As much as I've loved my group the past 3 years, maybe it's for the better, maybe I need to get out of my comfort zone. Learn to be more independent.

Here's to 2017, I'll do better I promise.

Just watch me.

Love Lisa.