I know my misery is self-inflicted. I would hazard to guess that many people's are as well.
The more I think about it, the more I realise how stupid I am. Constantly, I'm prioritising others ahead of myself. I don't know why I thought I needed to shoulder everyone's problems and try to solve them.
What's worse is I've always known this.
In trying to ensure I do no wrong, by anyone, I have neglected myself. I have been, purposefully or unwittingly, ignorant to the damage I've caused when I put my life, my dreams, my passions on hold. Don't I sound jaded for a 21 year old.
The worst part is, because I've always taken every caution to not upset anyone, it's just expected that I will bend to the will of those around me. Even though this is not a normal thing to do, people unconsciously expect it from me. Even if it's something that any normal person wouldn't do, if I don't do it, the disappointment is almost palpable.
And you bet, in the end I'll be the one I'll be the one who comes out worse for wear.
'God' from one episode of futurama sums it up nicely:
"When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all."
So the best way to describe it succinctly is that I have unrealistic expectations placed upon me, which dictate my life and which were borne from my own naïveté.
The point I'm trying to make is, I need to do things that will make me happy for once. Instead of always thinking that my happiness will stem from pleasing others. I will endeavour to try to focus on what I want, and to not make excuses or feel guilty for doing so.
Apologies if I went in circles, it's been a long time since I've written a stream of consciousness.
Love Lisa.
PS. On a less serious note, my blog requires a serious aesthetic overhaul, 'time for a change', right?
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Week 3 Already
Time is just flying by, how have three weeks already passed?!
That also means it's been two weeks since Daniel left for Japan, and one week until he gets back. I can't wait. Yesterday, as you all would know, was Valentines. But as my beau is off in the land of sushi cats (that's cats dressed up as sushi and not sushi made of cats), I opted to have dinner with Tracey and Jenny. We had ramen, it was decent but leagues away from the amazing ramen we had at Ichiran in Tokyo.
Dental school has been quite intense, but I'm actually enjoying it even more than I thought it would. It's definitely no walk in the park, and it's very different from undergrad. In undergrad, I thought VCE was nothing in comparison. And now I see even in undergrad we were still being spoon fed. Post-graduate study, at least for DDS, is all about self-directed learning. So this means pre-reading, post-reading and just some more reading in any form you can imagine. You'd think I'd be great at this since I love to read. But somehow, I'm just not.
Anyway, I have a confession to make. Yesterday after class I went and bought myself some chocolates. On any other day that wouldn't be sad, but on the 14th it seems otherwise.
Time to read some oral anatomy textbooks!
Love Lisa.
That also means it's been two weeks since Daniel left for Japan, and one week until he gets back. I can't wait. Yesterday, as you all would know, was Valentines. But as my beau is off in the land of sushi cats (that's cats dressed up as sushi and not sushi made of cats), I opted to have dinner with Tracey and Jenny. We had ramen, it was decent but leagues away from the amazing ramen we had at Ichiran in Tokyo.
Dental school has been quite intense, but I'm actually enjoying it even more than I thought it would. It's definitely no walk in the park, and it's very different from undergrad. In undergrad, I thought VCE was nothing in comparison. And now I see even in undergrad we were still being spoon fed. Post-graduate study, at least for DDS, is all about self-directed learning. So this means pre-reading, post-reading and just some more reading in any form you can imagine. You'd think I'd be great at this since I love to read. But somehow, I'm just not.
Anyway, I have a confession to make. Yesterday after class I went and bought myself some chocolates. On any other day that wouldn't be sad, but on the 14th it seems otherwise.
Time to read some oral anatomy textbooks!
Love Lisa.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Week One
I'm already one week into my dental course, and this week has flown by. I think I spent only 15% of it sleeping, which has not been good, to say the least.
Daniel left for Hong Kong on Thursday night, and I was more emotional than I expected. I told myself I'd pour all my efforts into studying, so I wouldn't miss him too much, but with my current lack of sleep it's been hard to concentrate on anything. Every day I've just been in a daze.
So tonight I endeavour to sleep no later than 12.30am.
Just as an aside, I am slowly editing Japan photos now, so hopefully I can get those up in the next few days.
Will update tomorrow.
Love Lisa.
Daniel left for Hong Kong on Thursday night, and I was more emotional than I expected. I told myself I'd pour all my efforts into studying, so I wouldn't miss him too much, but with my current lack of sleep it's been hard to concentrate on anything. Every day I've just been in a daze.
So tonight I endeavour to sleep no later than 12.30am.
Just as an aside, I am slowly editing Japan photos now, so hopefully I can get those up in the next few days.
Will update tomorrow.
Love Lisa.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Not Sure How To Feel
Orientation for dentistry starts this Thursday. I don't know how to feel.
I am excited to finally do a course that will lead to a definitive outcome, but I know the next 4 years are going to be so much harder than biomed. I just wish I had another month and enough money to go on another adventure overseas before I start. I only have 2 weeks break mid year so a trip overseas is out of the question until the end of the year. Hence why I'm so disappointed I didn't think of going away during the winter holidays last year, since it would have been summer everywhere else in the world.
I do feel as if my life is in disarray. I feel oddly purposeless and unmotivated. So maybe starting uni early is the best thing that could happen. Now that I think about it, every summer holidays for the past 3 years I've either worked or had summer school. So now I can understand why I feel the way I do.
Something that I will definitely start doing is more exercise, in any shape or form and eating healthier. The past few weeks I have been on runs with Sophie and Mel, as they both live close to me, but my diet has been worse than ever, to the point where I feel physically disgusted by what I've eaten on a daily basis.
In other news, Kyuubi was desexed on Monday. I'm hoping that in time he will become more calm, because he is definitely becoming exceedingly misbehaved, although his mouthy tendencies are becoming non-existent (thank goodness).
What's more, Daniel is leaving for Japan on the 31st, for 21 days! I'm definitely envious - even though I only got back from japan a month and a bit ago - and I'm going to miss him ever so much. Although we have been apart for more than 21 days before, that was over 3 years ago and I probably won't deal with it half as well this time around. So perhaps, once again, it's good that I have uni to preoccupy myself. All I can say is, I better be whatsapp'd on a 6 hour (max) basis, lest I go crazy.
In conclusion, I am tired, it is 1.41am, and I told myself I'd change my sleeping habits before uni starts (which gives me about 6 days for that to happen, i.e. it's not going to happen).
Goodnight!
Love Lisa.
I am excited to finally do a course that will lead to a definitive outcome, but I know the next 4 years are going to be so much harder than biomed. I just wish I had another month and enough money to go on another adventure overseas before I start. I only have 2 weeks break mid year so a trip overseas is out of the question until the end of the year. Hence why I'm so disappointed I didn't think of going away during the winter holidays last year, since it would have been summer everywhere else in the world.
I do feel as if my life is in disarray. I feel oddly purposeless and unmotivated. So maybe starting uni early is the best thing that could happen. Now that I think about it, every summer holidays for the past 3 years I've either worked or had summer school. So now I can understand why I feel the way I do.
Something that I will definitely start doing is more exercise, in any shape or form and eating healthier. The past few weeks I have been on runs with Sophie and Mel, as they both live close to me, but my diet has been worse than ever, to the point where I feel physically disgusted by what I've eaten on a daily basis.
In other news, Kyuubi was desexed on Monday. I'm hoping that in time he will become more calm, because he is definitely becoming exceedingly misbehaved, although his mouthy tendencies are becoming non-existent (thank goodness).
What's more, Daniel is leaving for Japan on the 31st, for 21 days! I'm definitely envious - even though I only got back from japan a month and a bit ago - and I'm going to miss him ever so much. Although we have been apart for more than 21 days before, that was over 3 years ago and I probably won't deal with it half as well this time around. So perhaps, once again, it's good that I have uni to preoccupy myself. All I can say is, I better be whatsapp'd on a 6 hour (max) basis, lest I go crazy.
In conclusion, I am tired, it is 1.41am, and I told myself I'd change my sleeping habits before uni starts (which gives me about 6 days for that to happen, i.e. it's not going to happen).
Goodnight!
Love Lisa.
Friday, January 3, 2014
No Excuses
Well dearest blog readers, I have no excuse, I have been so neglectful of updating this blog one might say I've been avoiding it on purpose. I don't know why, I have no good reason. I've had plenty of spare time the past month.
So my 2014 blog resolution, at least update this every week (I'm practically scoffing at myself already).
I can't believe I didn't blog my Japan trip. Yes, I went to Japan. I don't even think I mentioned that til now.
It was a wonderful experience, I only wish I could have gone with Daniel but in the future we will definitely go there together :)
So some big things happened at the end of 2013. And my god, I'm seriously noticing my lack of blogging has caused a significant decline in my general writing skills. This is no good.
But back to the 'big things' (my vocab, what has become of you!). Last year I applied for post graduate courses in optometry, dentistry and medicine. Dentistry is what I hoped to get into. Medicine was just for the sake of it, I've never wanted to do it and I never thought I could get in anyway.
But come August, and I received an early offer for optometry and a interview for Melb Uni medicine a few week after that. I was terrified. At Melb Uni (and various other unis) the interviews are really 'multiple mini interviews' aka MMIs. 8 rooms, 1 interviewer in each, different scenarios/questions for each room. If you've followed my blog you'll know interviews are the bane of my very existence.
But on the day of my interview which was during the mid sem break in semester 2 I was oddly calm. I hadn't done much preparation, besides from going through past questions a few days before. Long story short, it wasn't bad at all. There was a lovely interviewer who was my first and last station whom I made a real connection with. I actually felt at ease and didn't jumble my words and look like a fool.
And guess what, I ended up getting offers for both med and dent at Melbourne. And to think earlier that year I was scared I wasn't going to be able to get into a single post graduate course.
I had an amazing 10 day trip to Japan after exams (which I will attempt to dedicate a post to this weekend). Graduated on the 19th of Dec, which was the 40 degree day for those of you who weren't there.
And in a few weeks time I'll be starting my course in dentistry. Can you believe it? My life is finally going somewhere, I can finally see a finish line, which will only take me 4 years to reach.
Love Lisa.
So my 2014 blog resolution, at least update this every week (I'm practically scoffing at myself already).
I can't believe I didn't blog my Japan trip. Yes, I went to Japan. I don't even think I mentioned that til now.
It was a wonderful experience, I only wish I could have gone with Daniel but in the future we will definitely go there together :)
So some big things happened at the end of 2013. And my god, I'm seriously noticing my lack of blogging has caused a significant decline in my general writing skills. This is no good.
But back to the 'big things' (my vocab, what has become of you!). Last year I applied for post graduate courses in optometry, dentistry and medicine. Dentistry is what I hoped to get into. Medicine was just for the sake of it, I've never wanted to do it and I never thought I could get in anyway.
But come August, and I received an early offer for optometry and a interview for Melb Uni medicine a few week after that. I was terrified. At Melb Uni (and various other unis) the interviews are really 'multiple mini interviews' aka MMIs. 8 rooms, 1 interviewer in each, different scenarios/questions for each room. If you've followed my blog you'll know interviews are the bane of my very existence.
But on the day of my interview which was during the mid sem break in semester 2 I was oddly calm. I hadn't done much preparation, besides from going through past questions a few days before. Long story short, it wasn't bad at all. There was a lovely interviewer who was my first and last station whom I made a real connection with. I actually felt at ease and didn't jumble my words and look like a fool.
And guess what, I ended up getting offers for both med and dent at Melbourne. And to think earlier that year I was scared I wasn't going to be able to get into a single post graduate course.
I had an amazing 10 day trip to Japan after exams (which I will attempt to dedicate a post to this weekend). Graduated on the 19th of Dec, which was the 40 degree day for those of you who weren't there.
And in a few weeks time I'll be starting my course in dentistry. Can you believe it? My life is finally going somewhere, I can finally see a finish line, which will only take me 4 years to reach.
Love Lisa.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
The Tale of Kyuubi
On the 10th of July we welcomed Kyuubi, at 6 weeks old Malamute x Border collie home. He was simply the most gorgeous thing I'd ever laid eyes on. It was night time on our trip home and Kyuubi was fast asleep and since Daniel was driving, I got to hold him on the drive home. Lucky me :3 He was quiet but not shy, he was already playful after he woke up.
At 7 weeks he had already mastered the sit command and learnt to sit before he was going to be fed. At 8 weeks, we began taking him to Puppy School weekly. Initially, he was terrified of the other puppies! And kept hiding from them, but in little over 10-15 minutes, he was excitedly playing with them.
Kyuubi was a super star at puppy school. I don't want to boast but how could I not, I felt like a proud mum. He already mastered sit before attending puppy school, while all the other puppies there were still struggling. Over the course of the next few weeks, he learnt to lie down on command as well. A skill which won him puppy olympics in the final class hehe. He also got to wear a tiny little graduation hat and received a certificate.
At 12 weeks, we took him to get his second vaccination. He was fairly calm during the process and it didn't seem to bother him too much. Prior to his injection, we met a very friendly almost fully grown german shepherd. Kyuubi was uncertain at first, as he had not had any close encounters with larger dogs but just like at puppy school they were soon playing together. I stress how important socialisation is, if we never took him to puppy school, he would have been terrified of the german shepherd, furthermore he might not know proper etiquette which could lead to a disaster.
At 14 weeks, he was around 14 kilos I believe. And to think, at 6 weeks he was barely weight 5 kilos. Talk about fast growth! Being quite the food vacuum, I bought Kyuubi a slow feed bowl. It worked to some extent. Unfortunately around his 15 week mark is when I broke my toe. I didn't get to spend as much time with him in the weeks following and he grew into one giant puppy.
Now he is just over 5 months old, weighing nearly 18 kilos, at 6 months he should be at approximately 2/3 his final weight. So he still has growing to do! He is now full of energy, yet still loves his long naps in the sun. Daniel takes him out for walks daily, taking him to a local primary school with a fenced off oval. Here he gets to socialise with other dogs and run as much as his heart desires.
Oh oh, how could I forget, on one of our walks we met Danny, who was walking his Shadow, anEnglish Pointer and coincidentally is Daniel's neighbour. So Kyuubi often goes on walks with Shadow.
Things to work on, proper leash walking and recall. I also would love for Kyuubi to be friends with Daniel's neighbour's cat, but I think the cat is less enthused about the idea. Besides from his occasional mouthy behaviour, which has improved considerably over time, Kyuubi is still one big baby. Although he is incredibly handsome and looking quite dingo-like these days, don't you think?
I love you Kyuubi.
Love Lisa.
At 7 weeks he had already mastered the sit command and learnt to sit before he was going to be fed. At 8 weeks, we began taking him to Puppy School weekly. Initially, he was terrified of the other puppies! And kept hiding from them, but in little over 10-15 minutes, he was excitedly playing with them.
Kyuubi was a super star at puppy school. I don't want to boast but how could I not, I felt like a proud mum. He already mastered sit before attending puppy school, while all the other puppies there were still struggling. Over the course of the next few weeks, he learnt to lie down on command as well. A skill which won him puppy olympics in the final class hehe. He also got to wear a tiny little graduation hat and received a certificate.
At 12 weeks, we took him to get his second vaccination. He was fairly calm during the process and it didn't seem to bother him too much. Prior to his injection, we met a very friendly almost fully grown german shepherd. Kyuubi was uncertain at first, as he had not had any close encounters with larger dogs but just like at puppy school they were soon playing together. I stress how important socialisation is, if we never took him to puppy school, he would have been terrified of the german shepherd, furthermore he might not know proper etiquette which could lead to a disaster.
At 14 weeks, he was around 14 kilos I believe. And to think, at 6 weeks he was barely weight 5 kilos. Talk about fast growth! Being quite the food vacuum, I bought Kyuubi a slow feed bowl. It worked to some extent. Unfortunately around his 15 week mark is when I broke my toe. I didn't get to spend as much time with him in the weeks following and he grew into one giant puppy.
Now he is just over 5 months old, weighing nearly 18 kilos, at 6 months he should be at approximately 2/3 his final weight. So he still has growing to do! He is now full of energy, yet still loves his long naps in the sun. Daniel takes him out for walks daily, taking him to a local primary school with a fenced off oval. Here he gets to socialise with other dogs and run as much as his heart desires.
Oh oh, how could I forget, on one of our walks we met Danny, who was walking his Shadow, anEnglish Pointer and coincidentally is Daniel's neighbour. So Kyuubi often goes on walks with Shadow.
Things to work on, proper leash walking and recall. I also would love for Kyuubi to be friends with Daniel's neighbour's cat, but I think the cat is less enthused about the idea. Besides from his occasional mouthy behaviour, which has improved considerably over time, Kyuubi is still one big baby. Although he is incredibly handsome and looking quite dingo-like these days, don't you think?
I love you Kyuubi.
Love Lisa.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
A Broken Toe
It's been a while I know. Too long, I think maybe I'm getting sick of this blog. Not the idea blogging, no. I created this blog in 2008 if I'm not mistaken and I think I just need to overhaul the whole thing. Revamp it, start afresh...You know?
And secondly, I fractured my big toe falling down the stairs, lucky me.
I get to sit at home and study all day every day, like as if that wasn't what I was already doing.
So that happened on Friday night, and I kid you not that very dayI had decided I was going for a run on the weekend and I had all these plans. Guess life is telling me that I should continue to sit on my lazy ass and eat timtams instead of ever becoming fit.
Woe. Is. Me.
Love Lisa .
PS. Now that I have so much lovely time to sit here, I will blog about the past 2months, in as much detail as I can remember.
Posts:
And secondly, I fractured my big toe falling down the stairs, lucky me.
I get to sit at home and study all day every day, like as if that wasn't what I was already doing.
So that happened on Friday night, and I kid you not that very dayI had decided I was going for a run on the weekend and I had all these plans. Guess life is telling me that I should continue to sit on my lazy ass and eat timtams instead of ever becoming fit.
Woe. Is. Me.
Love Lisa .
PS. Now that I have so much lovely time to sit here, I will blog about the past 2months, in as much detail as I can remember.
Posts:
- Kyuubi & puppy school
- The numerous 21sts
- Trip to tyaak
- The salvation of my hard drive (YES)
- Commerce ball
- Birthday & gifts
- Some beauty related purchase
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