A Couple Of Things

And by a couple I mean a whole lot.

I'm 8 weeks into semester 2, where has two months gone..?
I know there's so so SO much to study for the end of years exams but I don't know where to begin :(

Daniel & I celebrated 6 years with a delicious dinner at Cumulus Inc, last time he was sick and this time I was sick. Despite my dulled sense of taste due to a very blocked nose, it was still a delicious and enjoyable meal.

I got eyelash extensions 3.5 weeks ago for the first time. And note this is something I've wanted to do since high school. I'm really efficient in ticking off the To Do list, aren't I? They looked fab and there's a bargain Korean place in the city. They lasted 3 weeks quite well but going into week 4 they're starting to look scraggly, I should have taken photos to show the progressive loss. Next time. However, I definitely have noticed that my natural eyelashes are a bit more sparse so I don't think I'll do eyelashes again until maybe the end of the year? We will see how I feel.

Pokemon Go. How have I not spoken about this beautiful game yet. And please, I had been waiting for this game to come out for 1-2 years. I am not someone who just hopped on the bandwagon, Pokemon was 100% my favourite game growing up, so playing Pokemon Go is a natural progression.

My birthday was last week and I'm definitely in denial that I've aged another year. Help meee. I requested to be taken to Altona Beach to go pokemon hunting heheh. Also to enjoy some extra delicious ribs from Ribs & Burgers!!

Anyway I'm dead tired and I was actually meant to come on here to rant about a specific topic, which I have now forgotten about since I got side tracked realising how much I have yet to write about. One more thing, my memory is so much worse than it used to be, and it's never been good.

-_____-

Over and out muchachos!


Love Lisa.

Shanghai

I recently went to Shanghai for the first time in 17 years, and my heart broke.
I think it is evident that I'm emotionally fragile and the realisation that I've neglected my only living grandparents for almost two decades was too much for me.
The first few days I constantly teetered on the edge of bawling my eyes out.
Even typing this now is making me incredibly emotional.
Can someone teach me not to feel so damn much?! It's draining.
I tried to be the best possible granddaughter but the language barrier limited our conversations to such basic topics.
Again, I regret ever so much not continuing to learn Chinese in university.
In year 12, my reading skills were quite good and now, I have nothing to show for 5 years of study.

I have come out of this realising life is so finite and what the hell am I doing with mine?
Was choosing to study at university for 7 years really the right choice?
So many of my friends are now working and enjoying life, spending it with their loved ones.
And I'm constantly conflicted, guilted by one thing or the other, never truly living.
Some people exclaim with amazement that I've been studying for so long, and it is not until now that I can see from their point of view.
Yet, I'm so far in, to stop now would be crazy. Right?

But I digress, I'll try to write a proper post on Shanghai when I get my emotions in check.

Love Lisa.

Finding Myself

I finished listening to A Short History Of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson and I wished it wouldn't end. But I always feel that way about good books. Highly recommended to anyone looking for a book to read or audiobook to listen to. I would have happily read it (and could have finished it far faster), but I wanted something I could listen to when I was travelling around and unable to sit down and read a physical book.

The book spoke about many people who devoted decades and sometimes their whole lives to studying and researching one thing. I wish I could find such a passion in one thing. But few things seem to hold my attention for longer than a few weeks let alone years.

I have this desperate urge to be really good at something, yet I don't do anything to try to achieve this. Instead, I find interest in everything and dabble in this and that. Perhaps I could have been a good drawer if I kept going to art classes and practiced more. Perhaps I could have been a ballerina if I continued to take ballet classes at the tender age of 3.

Instead I'm finding myself lost (sounds like quite the oxymoron), and I don't like it.

But as I said in my previous post, I'm turning a new leaf. Let's make something happen. Any progress is better than none.

So far I've either eaten fast food once or not at all. I can't even remember the start of the week. And I shall not be eating any this weekend. Hand on heart.

In light of recent news, i.e. the Logies. Actually, first let me preface this with the statement that I don't watch much television, and when I do, it's rarely Australian television.
I have never watched the Logies but I am so glad that Waleed Aly won.
He and his wife Susan Carland are two of the most inspiring people I've ever heard speak.

I watched the below video 3-4 years ago and to this day I've never heard such a succinct and accurate explanation of the human condition. Also note the video has ~500 views last time I checked and it definitely deserves more, as pointed out by the only commenter on the video.




Also this reminds me, the last 2 'presentations' I had to do, I think I was much less nervous that I have been in the past. My voice broke far fewer times and my face didn't turn as red as usual. Baby steps, right? I'll get there.

Sleep calls.

Love Lisa.

Step Towards Health

And away from CVD and diabetes. I'm starting to get quite concerned. As the years pass, my metabolism is slowing, eating bad is making feel incredibly sluggish and I'm definitely putting on weight. Ever since the start of last year, my overall health has definitely plummeted to an all time low.

So the current goals are:

• Run 5km under 30min (PB so far is 4km in 26:14)
• Go to gym twice a week (at the start of last year I was going every second day -__-)
• Eat fast food <1 a week, and then I want to decrease this to once a fortnight (sounds easy enough, but I'm a glutton)

Achievable, right?! :D

Love Lisa.

How Did I Get Here

What happened to me?

Last night I picked up the book, Into Thin Air, that I had started whilst in Nepal, i.e. around mid January (and have neglected since then) and finally finished it. It took barely any time and it made me sad. Both the actual contents of the book and my recently reoccurring realisation (alliteration eyy) that I really haven't spent time doing the things I love. Reading has been one of my favourite past times since primary school, but the past few years, I've read so so very few books that I could count them on one hand.

And what has stopped me? I could say oh I've been busy, I've had classes, I've had work etc. But reading actually calms me and makes me happy, I could have easily found time to read at least a few books in one year. Yet I haven't.

The last time I picked up my camera and took photos that actually made me happy was at the Andy Warhol x Ai Wei Wei exhibition. Prior to that, I can't remember when I took photos for leisure.
I used to be able to find beauty in a drop of water on a clothes line, in a rusty old coin, in a shadow cast by lace curtains, but where has any of my inspiration gone?

I have failed to see how unhappy I've made myself over the past few years, especially since starting dentistry. Not that dentistry itself is my source of unhappiness, but the fact that I've put my energy into the wrong things. I feel I've wasted precious time, that I'm never going to get back.

So I must turnover a new leaf. No one can change these things but me. The first step is that I've finally made this realisation. Feeling sad is only squandering more time.

Be pro-active, you only have one life.

I've already bought a new book, which will hopefully arrive soon and I'm listening to the audiobook, A Short History On Everything, and it is absolutely fantastic! I've pulled out my old library card, and I've already reserved 3 books (who can afford to buy so many after all).

I feel good. Less negative posts to come. Watch this space.

Love Lisa.

Passion?

I've recently re-discovered my love of physics and cosmology.
And this discovery has left me a little confused and sad.
I'm second-guessing myself constantly as to whether dentistry for the rest of my life is truly viable.
Maybe it's because I feel so incompetent at the moment and this is why I'm having doubts.

On the other hand, I truly do have an interest in physics. Learning it in high school was the opposite of a chore, I couldn't put textbooks down. The concept of special relativity still makes me catch my breath (very dramatic but I'm a geek at heart after all). But I suppose how could I ever make a career out of it? Yes, I have a keen interest but I'm no scientist, trying to understand equations is mind-boggling enough for me, let alone actually discovering anything of value.

I think I feel sad because I don't think I'm capable of mastering anything. But have I put 10,000 hours into anything in my life? I tried very hard at learning to play the piano, spent nearly 10 years trying. Sure, I progressed, but the struggle was almost unnatural.

I've always been a fairly slow learner but I genuinely feel that I'm getting slower. And perhaps it's not unreasonable considering that at age 23, my mental capacity has actually peaked and passed. I'm not making the most of the best years of my life. Not at all.

Now that's a depressing and terrifying thought.

Let's sleep on it so I can have another restless night,

Love Lisa.

I'm Starting To Think I Have A Problem

I need to learn to not get so emotional, otherwise I don't think I'm going to deal with life very well.

I went out with the domiciliary care dentists the other week and the number of times I had to fight down my tears. It doesn't even make sense sometimes why I feel upset. Just the notion of someone living in a aged care facility can leave me a blubbering mess, when realistically they may be better off being there.

I met a loving husband who visits his incapacitated wife from 9-5 every day, and has done so for 3 years ever since her brain injury...and my heart breaks. I see the photos on the walls of her small room of her and her family before the incident and I feel myself choking up.

There must be something wrong with me, I don't think this can be normal or healthy for me.

Love Lisa.