It has been an incredibly long hiatus. This year is just going over my head and I'm drowning in it all. I wanted the first blog post that I wrote to be about sharing the better moments in my life but right now all I want to do is unload everything that's weighing me down.
First and foremost, I moved house. Initially it was exciting, I've always wanted my parents to own their own home. But it wasn't before long that it became the most stressful period of my life in the past half decade. Compounding this, I no longer even wanted to move, I know, it sounds ridiculous when I had so many complaints about my old house. But that old, creaky, carpeted, damask wallpapered house was my home for the past 17 years, it was everything I knew. Yes, you may think, of course it's normal to miss your old home, but my reaction was to the absolute extreme. Even now, a week after the move I still feel down about it.
Moving on, I failed an exam for the first time. It was a practical exam as well, the one part of dentistry I thought I was doing well in. Perhaps that was in my sub-conscious the past few months as well, the creeping thoughts that maybe I'll never be a good dentist and the next 4 years will be a terrible mistake. I keep thinking as well maybe I would have suited optom, or even med more, and it makes me feel sick inside.
Rationally, I know it's not as bad as I'm making it out to be but I've just been very cynical as of late.
I'll end this here as I don't want to bring myself or any one reading down with my negativity.
Until happier times,
Love Lisa.
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Well Looky Here
It's been just over (or is it under?) 24 hours since my last post and I'm back on blogger!
I did manage to make it to pilates this morning, and the class highlighted the lack of upper body strength I've had my whole life. Try to get me into sage pose and my arms were wobbling like jello trying to hold myself up. This class was in stark contrast to yoga, it was very active, most of the participants were in my age range give or take 5 years and the instructor was super bubbly.
I did feel a hint of soreness straight afterward, but it's really building up now. Especially the glutes and obliques, muscles that I seldom engage in any activity.
The past few months I've noticed my natural flexibility diminishing, reaching my toes became the limit (forget being able to get into the king pigeon pose without any effort). Yet right now I can place my knuckles on the floor whilst standing with little strain, something I haven't been able to do all year. Just goes to show I really have been to sentient for the past 4 years.
I should do one of those before and after photos. Am I being too hopeful to wish for any visible progress in a month or so?
Time for sleep so I can be awake for a long day of uni tomorrow.
Love Lisa.
I did manage to make it to pilates this morning, and the class highlighted the lack of upper body strength I've had my whole life. Try to get me into sage pose and my arms were wobbling like jello trying to hold myself up. This class was in stark contrast to yoga, it was very active, most of the participants were in my age range give or take 5 years and the instructor was super bubbly.
I did feel a hint of soreness straight afterward, but it's really building up now. Especially the glutes and obliques, muscles that I seldom engage in any activity.
The past few months I've noticed my natural flexibility diminishing, reaching my toes became the limit (forget being able to get into the king pigeon pose without any effort). Yet right now I can place my knuckles on the floor whilst standing with little strain, something I haven't been able to do all year. Just goes to show I really have been to sentient for the past 4 years.
I should do one of those before and after photos. Am I being too hopeful to wish for any visible progress in a month or so?
Time for sleep so I can be awake for a long day of uni tomorrow.
Love Lisa.
Saturday, July 12, 2014
What Can I Say
I'm a terrible blogger and have been for quite some time now.
I have started my second semester of my first year of dentistry.
The holidays, all 2 weeks of them, flew by, as one would expect.
And the start of this semester was far from ideal, I was quite sick and only in the past few days have I been feeling like my normal self.
In other news, I joined a gym near Daniel's. It's 24/7 and has group fitness classes, what more could I ask for? (Perhaps a spa.)
I have managed to attend my first ever yoga class. It was an interesting experience and it definitely left my body feeling all stretched out and balanced, if that makes sense.
It's a fairly basic class, I was probably one of the youngest in the class but that was good in a way, it just felt less threatening, since it was the first group class I've done without a friend. One small step to being an independent woman.
To get my money's worth I have to attend at least 1 class a week, I'm aiming for 2 plus at least 1 regular work out.
As I just told Daniel, I feel angsty and kind of hungry now that I think about it.
So I will say bonsoir for tonight, so I can be nice and fresh for pilates tomorrow.
Love Lisa.
I have started my second semester of my first year of dentistry.
The holidays, all 2 weeks of them, flew by, as one would expect.
And the start of this semester was far from ideal, I was quite sick and only in the past few days have I been feeling like my normal self.
In other news, I joined a gym near Daniel's. It's 24/7 and has group fitness classes, what more could I ask for? (Perhaps a spa.)
I have managed to attend my first ever yoga class. It was an interesting experience and it definitely left my body feeling all stretched out and balanced, if that makes sense.
It's a fairly basic class, I was probably one of the youngest in the class but that was good in a way, it just felt less threatening, since it was the first group class I've done without a friend. One small step to being an independent woman.
To get my money's worth I have to attend at least 1 class a week, I'm aiming for 2 plus at least 1 regular work out.
As I just told Daniel, I feel angsty and kind of hungry now that I think about it.
So I will say bonsoir for tonight, so I can be nice and fresh for pilates tomorrow.
Love Lisa.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Easter Break
Dear readers,
I'm 12 weeks into my first semester of dentistry. I'm terrified, it's a month til exams and I have no idea how I'm going to get through it.
In other news, I lost my phone on the night of Pauline's 21st. Then was convinced I found someone selling it on Gumtree, but it was sold to someone else before I had a chance to execute my elaborate plan to get it back. I was already in need of a new phone but I was waiting for the Google Nexus 6 to come out. Except now they're saying it won't be out until the end of the year. Great.
Besides Pauline's, also had Gemma, Jenny and Kathy's 21sts in the past 2 months.
And I attended the MDSS Trivia Night. Our team came dead last, it was still pretty fun though.
If any of you are from Melbourne, undoubtedly you know of H&M's recent opening at the GPO, as well as the Emporium's opening. The Emporium looks great, but something about it feels off to me, maybe I'm just not used to having what feels like a proper shopping centre in the CBD. My favourite Uniqlo is now in Melbourne. But sadly, the prices are unfathomably high compared to Japan.
H&M, on the other hand, was a jungle. In both a literal and metaphorical sense. Daniel and I went a week after it's opening and there was still a line to get in. Albeit, the line moved fast so we were in there after 10 or so minutes. But just like Melbourne's Zara, everything in there was last season as I'd seen most of it in Japan. The prices were actually quite decent but in Japan the same items were on sale down to $5, rather than $20. So it still felt overpriced to me. I did end up finding a decent circle scarf, something I've been looking for for a while. Daniel also ended up getting me a beanie and belt (much needed), and a pair of pants for himself.
So now I have 4 days left to complete a mountain of work. Wish me luck!
Love Lisa.
I'm 12 weeks into my first semester of dentistry. I'm terrified, it's a month til exams and I have no idea how I'm going to get through it.
In other news, I lost my phone on the night of Pauline's 21st. Then was convinced I found someone selling it on Gumtree, but it was sold to someone else before I had a chance to execute my elaborate plan to get it back. I was already in need of a new phone but I was waiting for the Google Nexus 6 to come out. Except now they're saying it won't be out until the end of the year. Great.
Besides Pauline's, also had Gemma, Jenny and Kathy's 21sts in the past 2 months.
And I attended the MDSS Trivia Night. Our team came dead last, it was still pretty fun though.
If any of you are from Melbourne, undoubtedly you know of H&M's recent opening at the GPO, as well as the Emporium's opening. The Emporium looks great, but something about it feels off to me, maybe I'm just not used to having what feels like a proper shopping centre in the CBD. My favourite Uniqlo is now in Melbourne. But sadly, the prices are unfathomably high compared to Japan.
H&M, on the other hand, was a jungle. In both a literal and metaphorical sense. Daniel and I went a week after it's opening and there was still a line to get in. Albeit, the line moved fast so we were in there after 10 or so minutes. But just like Melbourne's Zara, everything in there was last season as I'd seen most of it in Japan. The prices were actually quite decent but in Japan the same items were on sale down to $5, rather than $20. So it still felt overpriced to me. I did end up finding a decent circle scarf, something I've been looking for for a while. Daniel also ended up getting me a beanie and belt (much needed), and a pair of pants for himself.
So now I have 4 days left to complete a mountain of work. Wish me luck!
Love Lisa.
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Time For A Change
I know my misery is self-inflicted. I would hazard to guess that many people's are as well.
The more I think about it, the more I realise how stupid I am. Constantly, I'm prioritising others ahead of myself. I don't know why I thought I needed to shoulder everyone's problems and try to solve them.
What's worse is I've always known this.
In trying to ensure I do no wrong, by anyone, I have neglected myself. I have been, purposefully or unwittingly, ignorant to the damage I've caused when I put my life, my dreams, my passions on hold. Don't I sound jaded for a 21 year old.
The worst part is, because I've always taken every caution to not upset anyone, it's just expected that I will bend to the will of those around me. Even though this is not a normal thing to do, people unconsciously expect it from me. Even if it's something that any normal person wouldn't do, if I don't do it, the disappointment is almost palpable.
And you bet, in the end I'll be the one I'll be the one who comes out worse for wear.
'God' from one episode of futurama sums it up nicely:
"When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all."
So the best way to describe it succinctly is that I have unrealistic expectations placed upon me, which dictate my life and which were borne from my own naïveté.
The point I'm trying to make is, I need to do things that will make me happy for once. Instead of always thinking that my happiness will stem from pleasing others. I will endeavour to try to focus on what I want, and to not make excuses or feel guilty for doing so.
Apologies if I went in circles, it's been a long time since I've written a stream of consciousness.
Love Lisa.
PS. On a less serious note, my blog requires a serious aesthetic overhaul, 'time for a change', right?
The more I think about it, the more I realise how stupid I am. Constantly, I'm prioritising others ahead of myself. I don't know why I thought I needed to shoulder everyone's problems and try to solve them.
What's worse is I've always known this.
In trying to ensure I do no wrong, by anyone, I have neglected myself. I have been, purposefully or unwittingly, ignorant to the damage I've caused when I put my life, my dreams, my passions on hold. Don't I sound jaded for a 21 year old.
The worst part is, because I've always taken every caution to not upset anyone, it's just expected that I will bend to the will of those around me. Even though this is not a normal thing to do, people unconsciously expect it from me. Even if it's something that any normal person wouldn't do, if I don't do it, the disappointment is almost palpable.
And you bet, in the end I'll be the one I'll be the one who comes out worse for wear.
'God' from one episode of futurama sums it up nicely:
"When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all."
So the best way to describe it succinctly is that I have unrealistic expectations placed upon me, which dictate my life and which were borne from my own naïveté.
The point I'm trying to make is, I need to do things that will make me happy for once. Instead of always thinking that my happiness will stem from pleasing others. I will endeavour to try to focus on what I want, and to not make excuses or feel guilty for doing so.
Apologies if I went in circles, it's been a long time since I've written a stream of consciousness.
Love Lisa.
PS. On a less serious note, my blog requires a serious aesthetic overhaul, 'time for a change', right?
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Week 3 Already
Time is just flying by, how have three weeks already passed?!
That also means it's been two weeks since Daniel left for Japan, and one week until he gets back. I can't wait. Yesterday, as you all would know, was Valentines. But as my beau is off in the land of sushi cats (that's cats dressed up as sushi and not sushi made of cats), I opted to have dinner with Tracey and Jenny. We had ramen, it was decent but leagues away from the amazing ramen we had at Ichiran in Tokyo.
Dental school has been quite intense, but I'm actually enjoying it even more than I thought it would. It's definitely no walk in the park, and it's very different from undergrad. In undergrad, I thought VCE was nothing in comparison. And now I see even in undergrad we were still being spoon fed. Post-graduate study, at least for DDS, is all about self-directed learning. So this means pre-reading, post-reading and just some more reading in any form you can imagine. You'd think I'd be great at this since I love to read. But somehow, I'm just not.
Anyway, I have a confession to make. Yesterday after class I went and bought myself some chocolates. On any other day that wouldn't be sad, but on the 14th it seems otherwise.
Time to read some oral anatomy textbooks!
Love Lisa.
That also means it's been two weeks since Daniel left for Japan, and one week until he gets back. I can't wait. Yesterday, as you all would know, was Valentines. But as my beau is off in the land of sushi cats (that's cats dressed up as sushi and not sushi made of cats), I opted to have dinner with Tracey and Jenny. We had ramen, it was decent but leagues away from the amazing ramen we had at Ichiran in Tokyo.
Dental school has been quite intense, but I'm actually enjoying it even more than I thought it would. It's definitely no walk in the park, and it's very different from undergrad. In undergrad, I thought VCE was nothing in comparison. And now I see even in undergrad we were still being spoon fed. Post-graduate study, at least for DDS, is all about self-directed learning. So this means pre-reading, post-reading and just some more reading in any form you can imagine. You'd think I'd be great at this since I love to read. But somehow, I'm just not.
Anyway, I have a confession to make. Yesterday after class I went and bought myself some chocolates. On any other day that wouldn't be sad, but on the 14th it seems otherwise.
Time to read some oral anatomy textbooks!
Love Lisa.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Week One
I'm already one week into my dental course, and this week has flown by. I think I spent only 15% of it sleeping, which has not been good, to say the least.
Daniel left for Hong Kong on Thursday night, and I was more emotional than I expected. I told myself I'd pour all my efforts into studying, so I wouldn't miss him too much, but with my current lack of sleep it's been hard to concentrate on anything. Every day I've just been in a daze.
So tonight I endeavour to sleep no later than 12.30am.
Just as an aside, I am slowly editing Japan photos now, so hopefully I can get those up in the next few days.
Will update tomorrow.
Love Lisa.
Daniel left for Hong Kong on Thursday night, and I was more emotional than I expected. I told myself I'd pour all my efforts into studying, so I wouldn't miss him too much, but with my current lack of sleep it's been hard to concentrate on anything. Every day I've just been in a daze.
So tonight I endeavour to sleep no later than 12.30am.
Just as an aside, I am slowly editing Japan photos now, so hopefully I can get those up in the next few days.
Will update tomorrow.
Love Lisa.
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