Au Contraire

Never hope for what you don't expect because that is setting yourself up for a fucking painful fall.

Guess I had to make all the mistakes to learn from them, right?

Thing is, I know I will still forgive just as easily as I ever have.

I really really really so badly wanted to believe in every word, that it wouldn't change, not again, but it's played out just like that nightmare I had one night. Deja vu got me again.

Take away the person makes you feel the safest, rendered so fragile, stripped naked, one poke and you'll crumble.

It hasn't hit yet, but never fear, sooner or later it will. Once again, the honest truth, no matter how painful, I'd rather it then some pretence.

I know we all move on, but I take an eternity.

I dread the finale of anything, even that of a tv show and finishing school scares me, silly huh?

I fear the unknown. Once I find somewhere I'm comfortable, something I like, I never want it to go away. And imagining it no longer being there makes my heart sink. I don't care if there's 'better' out there.

While discovering something I love, well that takes my compulsion to a whole new level.

It's half true, you don't blog when you're happy. But sometimes I blog because I want to remind myself of the most amazing days. And perhaps some are blog posts I never published but they exist, everything that has happened to me in the past year and a half.

Probably think I write it all huh, bare my soul on the internet? Not quite, this is a fraction of my life, the more important posts I don't publish and there's some I can't even type, it's all written in pen. Truth be told I'm greedy okay, I don't want to share my most intimate memories with just anyone.

I'm sorry if I stuffed up your day/night. Already unconsciously becoming what I vowed never to be.

It either is or it isn't, there is no limbo.
That bittersweet end, when everything and nothing collide to wreak utter destruction.
There's just one thing I'm still hoping for, that even when my existence fades, you won't forget.

Love always, Lisa 

'This time I thought that we'd be fine

That I'd forget the things that you said.'

'...and when i get back from outer space

I'm gonna punch him in his face.'

 Listened to and really liked these songs, I don't think I ever mentioned that to you.